#one day i need tumblr to let me use more than 10 so i can adequately express my feelings

[hwanghyunjinenthusiast]

ODE TO A CONVERSATION (STUCK IN YOUR THROAT) - c.sc

Everything with Seungcheol has always been easy. Easier than with anyone else, anyway.  (and it hits me — i don’t want anybody else touching you like i do, like i do, like me. is it okay? that i don’t want anybody else touching you like i do.)

pairing; choi seungcheol x fem!reader.  genre; smut (MINORS DO NOT INTERACT) with a little bit of plot. friends-ish to lovers to (healthy) exes to fwb to -- warnings; writing early parts of this felt low-key pretentious but it was kinda on purpose because i was trying something stylistic and outside my normal?? so??? but on a real: swearing. alcohol consumption (they aren’t drunk at the time of having sex). reader is written to be wearing makeup. it's kinda just filth. proof read but all the words just melted together eventually (if i missed a typo, no i didn't <3) smut warnings under the cut! w/c; 6k. a/n; del water gap’s ode to a conversation stuck in your throat was my most listened to song last year. i now can’t listen to it without thinking about s.coups (i also just point blank can't stop thinking about s.coups) -- enjoy x

smut warnings: big! dick! seungcheol!, making out, fingering, oral (f rec), unprotected p-in-v sex (make good choices), lil bit of edging if u squint, overstimulation if u tilt ur head like 82º to the left, manhandling, soft-ish dom!cheol, lotta praise, use of pet names (babe, baby good girl, my girl, sweetheart), kinda possessive!cheol, jealous!cheol, biting and marking (hickeys, digging nails in), light light light light light crying/dacryphilia (not really, like there are Some tears in eyes but just to be safe ig)

Everything with Seungcheol has always been easy. 

Easier than with anyone else, anyway. 

You’d known him in passing for a long time before anything happened. A friend of a friend — someone you always smiled at and chatted with at social events, because he was easy to smile at, and so very easy to chat to. You can’t even remember which birthday or New Year’s party or Halloween bash or Saturday night jamboree was the first: they’ve since all just dissolved into one pleasantly foggy memory, and every time you saw him thereafter he made you feel so comfortable, so at home that it felt like the hundredth.

And it continued that way for a few years. Pleasantries exchanged in friends' kitchens, conversations across beer-garden tables. Catching up on each other's lives in a hallway outside the bathroom for handfuls of minutes at a time before one of you inevitably got tugged away by the friend you were waiting for. You were comfortable with him, around him: he just had that kind of energy. So on a big group night out one evening, when you found yourself feeling a little uncomfortable being flirted with by someone you had never met, you instinctively flashed Seungcheol a look from across the bar. He came straight over and immediately to your rescue; with him slipping all too naturally into the fake role of your unimpressed significant other, you realised that it was easy to be whisked away under his arm, easy to let him buy you your next drink, easy to let him kiss you breathless just to really drive the pretend point home. 

Staring up at him after, feeling his drink-chilled hands cupping your cheeks, watching his gaze flicker between your lips and your eyes, you realised that igniting a spark had never felt so…

And it was easy to kiss him again later that night under the influence of a little too much wine and blanketed by a couple of lowered inhibitions. It was easy to giggle into the crook of his neck as he leaned against a stone wall, trailing his fingers up and down your arms, rambling about how he wanted to kiss you again and again and again and forever, maybe, because he thought your smile was beautiful and your lips were so soft and you tasted like cherries, and he liked cherries, and if you could kiss him every day he’d never have a reason to be unhappy ever again. It was so fucking easy to fumble in your purse for your phone, to let him put in his number, and when he asked you if he could take you out for dinner, when he messily typed a text message out begging the same question and sent it to you (‘so we both remember, tomorrow’), it was so, so easy to say yes. 

Then, the first date? It was beyond easy. You talked and talked and laughed and laughed, each of you having a few cocktails with your food, never running short of conversation, never not finding little ways to touch each other both under and over the table. Arranging the second, and then the third, and inviting him up for a coffee after date number five was easy, and falling into bed with him was easy. Holding him close, your sweat-slicked bodies moving as one entity in the dark: it was easy, and the pillow-talk after about what this growing thing between you was, came so damn…

So you introduced him to your parents, and your other friends, and in turn he did the same with you. Two and a half years breezed by, then, and even the hard parts… Even the arguing and time spent away from one-another, whether he was sleeping out on your couch following an emotionally charged spat or trips taken as part of his job demanded he spend weeks at a time without you. The hard parts? By comparison to everyone before him, they were easy. Anniversaries and birthdays and Valentine’s days: he spoiled you, and you doted on him, and being together was just so–…

Even the day you decided to end your romantic pursuit, while impassioned, wasn’t hard. In part, maybe it was because it was a long time coming: you still loved each other deeply but your lives were so chaotic and different, and it wasn’t fair to keep waiting around for each other when it just clearly wasn’t your time. And in part, because he was so calm in how he held your hand tightly in his (even when he dried your tears), how he kissed your forehead, in how he told you that you deserved more than the life he could give you. And at the end of it all, when he promised to always be there for you, naturally you promised the same back. 

Keeping that promise? Well. It was easy. 

So what if it took a few weeks for things to feel sort of normal? If you had to remember how to greet him without offering your lips for a kiss or your arms for a hug? If you had to get used to sleeping alone, and waking up alone, all over again? The thing that mattered was that he was still in your life, and you were still in his: your relationship wasn’t broken, it was just different, and once the little transition period was over, once you were both used to your new normal… Being ‘just friends’ was kind of easy. 

(Kind of, being the operative phrase.)

Six months post split, you mentioned to him in passing that you were going on a date the following day. As soon as you realised what you’d said, you regretted bringing it up, but without missing a beat Seungcheol lowered his drink and raised an eyebrow at you, excitedly asking you to tell him everything. The person’s name, what they were like, how you met them, where you were going. He didn’t feel like your ex-boyfriend, then and there: he felt like a best friend. So you told him every detail, and he listened intently, following up by requesting you text him when you got to the date and again when you got home so he knew you were safe. Of course, you said that you would. First, because it was sensible. Second, his requests were easy enough.  

And the date went okay, all things considered: the guy was nice, if a little bit awkward, and you had a good time bowling with him and playing some games in the old arcade, but there just wasn’t a spark. Everything felt difficult. Forced. So when he was the one to say to you after that he’d had a nice evening but felt that maybe you should just be friends, you couldn’t help but feel relieved. Letting out a breath and giving a genuine smile, you agreed, thanking him for his refreshing candour, before bidding him good night and making your way back to your car. 

You held your phone between your fingertips for a while as the engine ran and the heating started to kick in, slowly warming you from the outside, in. As you thawed, you bit the inside of your cheek absentmindedly, a potentially questionable decision planting itself in your mind. Your body didn’t mind how good of an idea your brain thought it was, though. Your fingers moved entirely of their own accord; finding and pressing Seungcheol’s contact name was so starkly different to everything else had been, all damn night. It was easy. His sleep-roughened voice drifting down the phone sounded so easy. Asking if he minded you swinging by his place for a coffee and a debrief felt easy.

Two hours later, writhing on his mattress, two orgasms deep with his head still buried between your thighs and one of his hands groping at your tit as if his life depended on it?

Fucking. Easy.

So then, started the pattern. Waking up the next morning absolutely swimming in one of his oversized t-shirts should’ve felt like guilt and a betrayal of all your self-growth, of your moving on, of your friendship. It should’ve felt uncomfortable and gross and maybe a little panic-inducing, but it never did. It was warm and cosy, it was familiar and comforting, and when he greeted you ‘good morning’ with a pillow to the face, you knew that nothing was ruined; rather, this was just another new difference to your ever-changing relationship with him. Waking up this way… Well, it felt—

Look, you’re only human. You both have needs. After spending two and a half years learning each other's bodies, being together in that way again came so, so… 

After every date gone wrong, after every stressful week at work, in the midst of every family drama and friendship breakdown, you found yourself seeking respite in his apartment, between his bedsheets. In his tongue lapping at your pussy; in the head of his cock bruising the back of your throat until he spilled his release into your mouth; in the slow, deep, precise thrusts of his hips as he buried himself inside you over and over and over and over, taking your mind off the stress and concentrating only on making you feel good, on helping you forget everyone and everything else–… 

And now?

Well, now, you’re on your way back from yet another miserable date.

About three months ago, you stopped even considering giving the taxi drivers directions to your own place. Now, when you slide into the backseat, you automatically reel off the address you always end up at after a night like this. When your dates only talk about themselves, or say something so wildly out of pocket that it makes your toes curl (and not in a good way), or exclusively go on and on and on about their ‘crazy’ ex partner, you’ve grown all too used to showing up pouting at your friend’s front door. 

What? 

Being greeted by his knowing smirk and him inviting you inside is familiar; stepping across the threshold and kicking off your shoes in the hallway feels just so… easy.

Flopping down on the couch is easy, and waiting for Seungcheol to come back into the living room with two gleaming glasses and a bottle of wine is easy. Shuffling closer until you have your head resting against his shoulder is easy. Sipping at a chilled glass of rosé with his arm around you, the tip of his finger rubbing tiny circles against the point of your shoulder, eyes fluttering at this perfectly normal, totally platonic, absolutely-not-leading-anywhere-this-time contact is…

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks a few seconds after you set your now half-empty glass down. Your lips curl a little into a grimace on one side and a soft laugh rumbles deep in his chest.

You swear you can feel it vibrate all the way down to your bones.

“What is there to even talk about?” you sigh. “He wouldn’t stop comparing me to his mother, strike one. Spent twenty minutes explaining the plot of my favourite movie back to me, strike two. And then, after all that, threw a tantrum when I swerved his kiss goodbye after he’d eaten basically a whole loaf of garlic bread. Strike three. You’re out.”

He laughs again, and you adjust your head to peer up at him but he isn’t looking at you. He’s staring off at the opposite wall, not even glancing down when his arm tightens to pull you even closer. On cue, you nuzzle your head down into the muscle beneath his t-shirt, and you sigh. 

“What’s so funny?” you ask. 

“Nothing,” he says breezily. “Just… You sure know how to pick ‘em.”

“I don’t deliberately go out with people one screw short of a toolbox, Cheol,” you grumble, lightly slapping his chest. “They always seem fine when we start talking.”

“Mhm,” he hums. You feel him move slightly and then his lips are being pressed to the part of your hair. You’re sure it’s supposed to be a little condescending, but it kind of tingles instead. But that’s just because of the way his breaths play over your roots. Isn’t it? “I know.”

“Trust me, I’d love nothing more than to find someone who—”

“Hey, I know, y/n,” he says again, still softly but just a little firmer this time. “It’s not your fault all these guys are dicks. But-…”

He trails off, tongue pressed lightly against his top teeth, and decides that maybe finishing this sentence isn’t the smart way to proceed. You wait a few seconds, just in case he changes his mind, and poke at his chest again when he doesn’t. 

“But what?” You ask. 

He shakes his head. “Nothing. It was a stupid joke. Don’t worry about it.”

“Tell me,” you whine. “You know I hate it when you do that.”

It’s his turn to sigh, now. “But…” he starts, pausing for a mixture of allowing his nerves to settle and for dramatic effect. “I’m not complaining: the worse your date goes, the better sex we have after.”

It momentarily stuns you into silence and you suck your teeth at the remark, shaking your head. But you don’t sit up, you don’t shove him away, you don’t argue the point he’s just made whether it was a joke or not. Because…

“I hate that you’re right.”

His hand slides down behind you until it’s wrapped around your waist, his bicep strong against your back and his fingers light as they fiddle with the fabric of your blouse. 

“No you don’t,” he tells you, lips tweaking up on one side. 

You sigh, burrowing closer into his chest. He’s wearing the cologne he knows you like most and it smells faint, worn, as if he’s had it on for hours, all despite being only dressed in basketball shorts and a white vest. His plans tonight started and ended with you, and showing up here wasn’t promised until you were on his doorstep. Something about knowing he wore it just in case triggers an all too familiar ache between your legs.

Giving in to it?

Ha. 

It’s too fucking easy.

“Shut up,” you grumble. Your hand uncurls and your fingers splay over his chest, confessing your agreement and laying the foundations for you even if you deny what you want out loud. “Yes, I do.”

“Oh?” He asks at the exact moment you can feel his nails graze at your skin beneath your shirt. “Do you really?”

“Yeah.” You shift slightly, searching for just a crumb of relief from the press of your thighs, but it never comes. 

“I see.” He flattens his palm against your side, the other hand tucking a piece of hair behind your ear, eyes not quite meeting yours as they fixate on the strands already sliding back to their former place against your cheek. 

He gently clears his throat, tongue darting out over his lips for the most fleeting of moments, and when he speaks again, it’s lower, quieter, softer. “But if you hate it sooo much…” he ducks his head, close enough that his lips brush the corner of your mouth as he moves them. “Why are you here?”

He bumps the tip of his nose against your cheek, subtly turning your face so if you so much as shuffle, hiccup, breathe in too deeply, your smiles would meet. But they don’t. A hair’s breadth apart, you linger, eyes meeting his in a scorching challenge. One he doesn’t back down from. One he holds, and holds, and holds – waiting, for you, for his answer.

“Because,” you croak. Your throat feels dry, your eyelids suddenly heavy, lashes fluttering. 

“Because?” he taunts, his chuckled exhale tickling the tiny hairs all over your skin. 

You maintain his gaze still, and he chuckles, holding your chin between his thumb and forefinger. when you don’t speak for a few seconds more, he takes it upon himself to finish the sentence for you.

“Because you know,” he drawls, gravelly but still somehow heaven-sent and honey-sweet. “That no-one else does it for you the same way I do. Do they?”

You shake your head, the muscles in your neck tight as you wrestle with them not to surge forward and topple against him in a kiss. Seungcheol is an easily pleased man, but you know he loves a bit of a chase and it would be a little rude not to reward his hospitality by giving him one. 

“Say it,” he urges. You’re acutely aware of how his breaths stop fanning against your face once the words are out of his mouth, but you don’t give him anything yet. “Come on. You could have any one of those idiots if you wanted them, but you don’t.” A pause. “Do you?”

You swallow hard, cheeks growing hot. You shake your head again, “No.”

“Because…”

And after one, two, three, four, five thundering beats of your heart—

“Because I want you.”

Seungcheol smirks as he pulls your chin up, finally bringing his plush lips down against your own. It’s soft. almost tender. Barely moving — just a press, but it sends waves of energy through you anyway. 

“You’ve got me,” he says, pulling back an inch, studying your desperate eyes with his own. “Always gonna have me.”

And suddenly, it’s like his entire world might stop if he lets you go.

Both of his hands cup your cheeks as you shift up onto your knees, your own fingers grasping for dear life at his vest. He kisses you as if he could swallow you whole: hard and deep, breathing hot through his nose as his tongue works its way into your mouth and finds your own. You groan, and hearing the sound draws one out of him, too. There’s just something about kissing Seungcheol, and being kissed by him: you don’t even have to think. He just does. You just do. It’s easy.

His hands find the bottom of your shirt and he pulls upwards, separating from your lips to pull it over your head and toss it haphazardly towards the floor. He reconnects with you almost immediately, hands sliding down from your face to your exposed neck, to your shoulders, toying with the strap of your bra.

“You wear this for me, or him?” he asks, breathing heavily as he looks down at your covered tits, the red and white garment sitting pretty against your skin.

“Who d’you think?” you ask, equally fighting to gasp air into your lungs. 

“Better not have been for fuckin’... Captain mommy issues,” he mutters, kissing you hard one more time before his lips attach to the side of your neck. “Never liked the sound of that guy. Thought you were too good for him.”

“S’that right?” You ask, tilting your head back and stuttering out a sigh, lacing it with wisps of a laugh. “You never said so.”

He sucks your skin into his mouth and you swear you can feel every capillary beneath the surface burst one by one, your body-heat climbing to almost unbearable territory. “You were excited,” he says. “Just ‘cause I don't agree with your choices, doesn’t mean I’m gonna be an ass about it.”

And for someone trying their best to cover your throat in as many bruises as possible (no doubt so that if you bump into the asshole from HR who took you out tonight when you’re back at work on Monday, he’ll see that you had a plenty good time without him), it… feels kind of sweet that he’d hold himself back in the name of your theoretical happiness.

“Yoo good to me,” you chuckle. You’ve long since released your hold on his vest and are now threading your fingers through his hair. He kisses and sucks down over your collarbone, grinning against your skin all the while. 

“So?” he asks, tugging the top of your bra in between his teeth.

You glance down at him, biting your bottom lip at the sight. His pupils are blown-out, drowning his familiar warm, chocolatey eyes in black pools of desire. No lies, that’s always been your agreement. No lies. So you tell him the truth, pushing your chest up towards him and pressing his head down slightly so his top lip brushes against your tit. 

“Wore it for you, Cheol.”

“Mhm. That’s my girl.”

He sits up straight and pulls you down to him, smashing his lips against yours again as his hands slide around your back, fingertips making quick work of your bra clasp. He pulls the straps down your arms, grunting at the feeling of your breasts relaxing against his own chest; the bra joins your shirt on the floor, and soon after follows his vest, your hands clawing at it to get it off him as fast as you can.

“Up,” he says as your hands trail over his stomach, fingers dipping into every groove of muscle, feeling how they ripple as he reflexively tenses them under your touch. “Now.”

You oblige, climbing off the couch and standing upright. His hand finds the back of your shoulder and he guides you around to the side of the sofa, promptly pushing you down over the arm-rest so your face meets the cushions you were both just sitting on. He pulls your pants down your legs and helps you step out of them, dropping down to his knees and kneading at your thighs with a guttural moan.

“Gonna make you forget all about him, y/n,” he says. “Make you feel so good you won’t even remember his name.”

“Please,” you gasp, feeling his teeth sink into your ass. “So-... fucking good to me…”

He adjusts the position of your legs, bumping them apart until he can settle on his knees between them. His nose drags against the crease between the top of your thigh and the bottom of your ass, his lips trailing kisses all the way from the outside of your leg to where your pussy is throbbing for him. He skips over it, though, nipping and licking at the back of your other thigh, until you’re rocking your hips back to try and push him into your core.

“Be a good girl,” he chuckles, thumbing over the wet-patch in your panties. “I’m gonna look after you. I promise.”

His tongue meets your wetness just a moment after, dragging over the fabric and making you whimper. Your hands scramble to clutch onto something, one grabbing the edge of the seat cushion and the other balling into a fist. 

“Fuck, Cheol,” you hiss, feeling the heat from his mouth all over you. “Please – I need it. I need you.”

“Shh,” he says. You can feel his lips twist into a smile. God, you wish you could see him right now. “I’ve got you.”

When exactly his fingers tucked themselves under the waistband of your underwear, you’re not sure: all you know is that one minute, he’s breathing in your scent through the seat of your panties, and the next he’s yanking them down your legs and diving into your cunt like it’s his last meal on death-row. The sheer force of his hands gripping your thighs and his head burying itself between them makes you stumble forwards, the couch groaning as it shifts against the laminate flooring, and you cry out a wet sob of his name.

Who were you kidding, before, when you thought that this wasn’t going to go anywhere tonight?

The build-up to this started the second you told him about the date a week and a half ago.

But you can’t think about the mediocre pasta dish you ate this evening, or the moron who sat across from you at the table who kept checking his phone and glancing over your shoulder. You can’t think about how many times he went to the bathroom after receiving a text, or how he came back grinning cockily before he sat back down. 

All you can think about is how deep Seungcheol’s tongue fucks into you. How he fucking slurps all the wetness your pussy can give him, how he groans and moans and chuckles every time he shifts his head forward and flicks the muscle over your clit. Your head is spinning and your eyes begin smarting at the corners when his nails on one hand dig harshly into the fat at the top of your thigh. It stings, but it feels so fucking good. Your knees are weak, you’re about to bite clean through your lip in an attempt to be respectful to Seungcheol’s neighbours, and your knuckles are sore from the force with which your fist is clenched. 

Lord, he’s good.

“Don’t hold back,” he gasps, pulling away from you, a string of his own spit and your arousal still connecting him to your pussy. “C’mon, babe. I can feel you’re close.”

The loss of his mouth genuinely feels like the end of the world and you could buckle, in this moment. But he’s done this on purpose: he always does. He knows you. He knows the sounds you make and the way your body moves when you’re tantalisingly on the edge of your climax. His thumbs rub circles into your thighs and you just know he’s got the most obnoxious, insufferable grin on his face behind you while he does it: you can picture it, so perfectly. So easily. 

The orgasm you didn’t quite reach starts to ebb away from you and you give a grumble of frustration, pushing up onto your palms to turn around and look at him.

“You’re such a bastard, Cheol,” you hiss, and he grins back at you, his lips swollen and shiny as he licks over them.

“Get that pretty face back down, baby. I’m not done.”

It feels like a delightful punch in the gut, so you do. You drop back down onto your elbows, feeling him shift his position but you can’t see to what; his body heat never leaves yours even when his hands aren’t on you anymore, so you know he hasn’t stood up or gone far. It’s only when you clear your throat that you feel him again. Sat down with his back to the couch, between your thighs, nosing at your clit to get you worked up all over again: his fingers trail over your folds, collecting your arousal, spreading your lips and tonguing between them. You whine for him, keening and confused but overwhelmed at the stark shift from before. How he touches your pussy like it’s the first time, like it’s the last. 

He presses one long finger inside you, free hand pushing your hips into just the right position that he can suck your clit into his mouth. You feel yourself grinding down against his hand, begging him for more without having the words to ask for it, but Seungcheol doesn’t need to be asked. It’s intuitive to him. Eating you out could well be his day job. Another finger joins the first and he pumps them in and out of you at a pace you adore, his tongue flicking precisely over the bud in his mouth.

Your disappointingly lost orgasm from before starts to creep up on you again, and you know he knows it too. But this time, he doesn’t slow. This time, he doesn’t stop. He hums in the back of his throat: it’s permission, you realise, to come undone; burying your face further into the cushions, you let out a muffled series of expletives, sobs, moans of his name. You tumble over the edge with a broken cry, fingers curling into the couch cushions, and he only pulls away when your knees actually give out.

His strong frame is the only thing still holding you up by the time you’ve stopped twitching through the aftershocks, remembering how it feels to have full lungs and a working pair of eyes. You roll your head to the side as he slips out from beneath you, immediately sliding his arm around your waist and leaning over you to keep you steady. Through the material of his shorts, you can feel his hard-on poking at your ass: the fact that you’re this fucked and he hasn’t put his cock inside you yet makes your eyes water.

“Okay?” he asks, pressing tender kisses down the length of your spine. You just breathe, nodding with difficulty owed to your current position and the way all your muscles suddenly feel a hundred times heavier than normal. “Talk to me, sweetheart. You okay?”

“M’okay,” you say. “Just… gimme a sec…”

He keeps pressing his lips all over your back, hands rubbing soothing circles on your hips as you fully recover. You nod again when you’re a little more communicative, pushing up onto your elbows once more.

“Said I’d look after you,” he says. “And you were so good for me.”

“Yeah?” you ask, swallowing hard as you twist your spine uncomfortably to look back at him. Fuck it, maybe he’s the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen. Is that some great secret? Is it such a crime?

“You always are, baby.”

He looks down at you again: at the shape of your body, bent so crudely over the arm of his couch. At your messed-up hair, your smeared makeup, your soft, dewy eyes. He bites his bottom lip, swallowing hard, running a finger from between your shoulder-blades all the way down towards your ass.

“Can I?” he asks, pushing his hips against you again, your still-soaked pussy smearing arousal all over the front of his shorts where it meets them. 

“Please,” you nod, shifting your legs slightly to try and get more comfortable. He drops his shorts in a matter of seconds, cock springing free from their confines. It’s thick and veiny, leaking in his palm as he strokes it, one hand coming back to rest on your hip.

“Fuck, babe,” he sighs. “You’re doing so good.”

The head feels delicious against your swollen cunt and you gasp at the pressure of him sliding through your folds, leisurely lubing himself up with your arousal. It glides over your clit and you can’t contain the slight hiss that escapes you. He starts to say something, his voice just audible to you where you’re propped, but for some reason he stops short, and you don’t quite hear him anyway. There’s not enough time to dwell on it though: your eyelashes flutter closed when he prods at your entrance, pushing into you with hardly any resistance at all, and his unstarted, unfinished sentence is forgotten.

It’s still a stretch to take him and he eases himself deeper until his hips are pressed fully against your ass. He rests there for a moment, letting you adjust, letting your body mould to the shape of his own, and it’s only when you reach back with one hand to gently nudge against his wrist to give an okay that he starts to move.

“Good girl,” he says, quieter this time. Like he’s distracted. Like he’s contemplating. But you don’t ask, because you don’t really want to know: every drag of his cock against your walls feels like fireworks bursting over every inch of your skin, like being engulfed in flame, and nothing could take you out of how electric you feel. “Taking me so, so well.”

His hips start to thrust against you quicker, snapping so his cock buries itself deep but mercilessly quickly into your pussy. It’s only a matter of minutes until you’re clenching around him and when you do, Seungcheol – who you noticed early on into your relationship was one of the most vocal men you’d ever had in the bedroom – stops holding back the sounds you think back to when it’s just you and your trusty vibrator against the world. You swear that half the reason your sexual chemistry with him is so unrivalled is because of how loud you can both get.

You don’t know how long he’s fucking you for, sweat beading over both of your bodies and leaving you slick all over. What you do know, though, is that when he bends down over you, supported by one hand bracing his weight against the cushion by our head, he’s close. 

He isn’t groaning and grunting anymore. He’s whining. So agonisingly hard and so painfully wound up that he could snap. His voice is little more than a whimper in your ear when his lips ghost over the shell of it, thrusts slowing as he tries to stave off his high just a little bit longer.

“Wanna drown in this pussy,” he says, eyes squeezed shut, jaw falling slack as you spasm around his length again. “Shit – I love y-... love this… love this so much-...”

And this time, you fucking notice.

This time, you hear him. You know what he said before, now. When you didn’t care, when you just wanted him to fill you up, when you just wanted to have him pound into you until your brain disconnected from failed romances and shitty dating apps and people who weren’t him. Because he started to say it then, too – started to say I love y–

And this time… you say it, back. 

“I love you too, Cheol.”

Jesus, fuck.

Loving Choi Seungcheol is the easiest thing in the world.

He freezes, buried inside you all the way to the hilt, a bead of sweat running down the bridge of his nose and hanging onto the tip for dear life. His eyes shoot open, his head turns, and you meet his gaze by turning your own. He’s feeling everything. All at once. So are you. Arousal and need and fear – God, so much fucking fear – but love. Adoration, affection, endearment, devotion – shit, he feels it all, and it’s written in every line of his face, and when his lips move into a smile, when the corners of his eyes crease, when he lets it wash over him, it feels better than any orgasm he’ll have for the rest of his life.

Even the one that explodes through him when you start to grind yourself back on his cock and he lets go, fingers scrabbling to hold your hand, lips finding home on the back of your shoulder. He paints your insides with his cum, fucks it into you for as long as he can physically withstand. You don’t even have it in you to chase another climax of your own, too blissed out in the relief of your own feelings to feel inclined to try. 

So, maybe there’s a reason you kept accepting dates with men you knew you weren’t compatible with. 

Maybe there’s a reason you didn’t give those other people a real chance.

Maybe there’s a reason you always found yourself looking forward to the end of every night having dinner with a stranger.

Because all the roads lead you here. Because it’s easy being here – it’s where you belong.

He stays sheathed inside you for a little while longer, pressing kisses everywhere his lips can reach before he has to pull his softening cock from its home between your legs. You lament at the feeling of emptiness, even as his strong arms wrap around your waist and pull you upright for the first time in so long that your legs feel like jelly. It’s okay, though. He holds you against his chest, burying his head into your neck – there’s no way you’re going to fall.

(At least, no more than you already have.)

“I’ll give you everything,” he whispers to you, moving your hair out the way so he can press small, doting kisses to the line of your jaw. “I can give it to you. I was a fucking idiot before – I’ll give you everything I have. I don’t know if I can be perfect but anything you want–...”

“I just want you, Cheol,” you tell him. “Everything – screw all that. I just want you.”

“Be with me?” he asks. You nod, feeling him light up in a smile for the hundredth time tonight. Even though you can’t see it, you’re sure it’s as blindingly beautiful as the first smile he sent your way, all those years ago. (It was Joshua’s birthday. You remember that, now.) And the second. And every damn time since. “Forever, this time.”

“Forever, this time,” you agree.

Because spending forever with the man who lifts you into his arms and carries you towards his shower, so you can clean down and get ready for bed? Right now, it sounds so –

But everything with Seungcheol has always been easy. Easier than with anyone else.

thank u so much for reading! likes, reblogs, comments + feedback are all always so appreciated<3

[ruyakasunshine]

F1 drivers rated on how likely they are to know what ao3 is

note : this is just for entertainment. I will also use this to make a general reminder not to get anything fanfic/rpf related outside of sites such as tumblr, ao3, or wattpad. Enjoy!

This is just the current grid, because if I had to do it with every driver that raced this season, I'd get a surprisingly high amount of drivers to talk about.

20. Fernando

Grandpa. Need I to say more?

19. Checo

In a recent GQ Sport interview, he revealed that he didn't even have social media on his phone. I'd be surprised to hear he has any ao3 tab open up there.

18. K-mag

I don't feel like I need to explain this one. But I also believe that if Haas got him to read a chapter of a wattpad fanfic out loud where he has to replace Y/N with his own name after every penalty point he gets, he would have stopped causing so much ruckus. Or he might even cause more, who knows what goes on inside his mind.

17. Nico Hulk

Hear me out, he doesn't know what a fanfic is, but if he were more popular with the writer, he'd read the shit out of those.

16. Valterri

I could pay actual money to hear him read a 'kidnapped by one direction' self insert story out loud. If there is any Sauber intern lurking here, please consider. Wattpad as a sponsor would bring you a lot of money, think about it. I promise you will see a rise in your fandom if the name of the team was "wattpad kick sauber". I would buy merch. You need the money the way the constructors are going. Think about it.

15. Lance

I don't know too much about him, but I will assume he doesn't spend too much time on social media, or googling himself with all the hate he gets. But maybe if he were to read a strollonso fanfic, we might get to see him have actual expressions on his face. Granted, that would be a look of horror, but I will take what I can.

14. Carlos

I think he might combust if he read any ABO fanfic. I might want to see that.

13. Max

He is too busy sim racing to care. Good for him, I wish I could say the same about myself but alas I am too busy reading the same fanfic for the 23th time.

12. Yuki

I believe if you pronounced the term "Y/N" next to him he might assume that's a car brand. Or, like, hello in a foreign language. Again, good for him.

11. Zhou

Hear me out, fanfics seem to be quite popular in China, and he has a sister, there is no way he hasn't heard of the existences of it. I don't think he has read any though, which is for the better.

10. Franco

Our dear Franquito hasn't been on the grid for long enough to discover the amazing word that fanfics have to offer, but let me tell you that if he hasn't found out stuff yet, he'll find some soon enough. Let the writers have time to write a little bit more about him, and soon we'll get an instagram live of him reacting to those.

9. Liam

I think he is young enough to have googled himself (he had to find something to do since he's been a reserve driver since like the year 2010), but he also hasn't been a permanent member, so he might not have enough material to accidentally stumble upon.

8. Esteban

He googles himself. He knows there are fanfics. And he fucking likes that. If there is a rise of pierresteban fics on ao3 after Brazil 2024, he will be the first one to know let me tell you that much.

7. Lewis

Okay you might be wondering why this senior citizen is up here, and the answer is simple : he is too famous not to know. Like COME ON. He's been here since 2007 (which is longer than some people who'll see this post have been alive for— that's a scary thought for another day), he has been in famous and televised rivalry, and he has to live with the existence of the quote "everything but a lover" about nico and him.

There is no way he hasn't READ a fucking brocedes fanfic. If he is willing, I will teach him how to use ao3 so he can look-up some "fix-it" fics. He might use some inspiration, and who is better for that than tired college students writing about their sad ass in between lectures?

6. George

He seems like the type to lurk a lot around the internet, so the chances of him finding the link to a fic on the third page of google isn't impossible to me.

If you find any comment of someone correcting your spelling, you know who did it.

5. Pierre

He probably googles his name too often not to have stumbled upon a "Reader x Pierre Gasly" wattpad fanfic. sigh.

4. Alex

Alex, I know that you are the second most likely to have tumblr (right after george who actually has an account). The chances of you knowing what a "lemon" is is way too high for my liking.

3. Charles

The C in Charles stands for Chronically Online. My boy was known for liking tweets about himself, and we know that fans talk about fanfics on twitter. He clicked on a link of a lestappen or sebchal fanfic at least once out of curiosity let me tell you this much.

2. Lando

Too chronically online not to have read fanfics about himself. I just know he typed in "lando norris fanfiction" straight in google at least once. Jail.

1. Oscar

Here me out : his sister is a K-pop fan. If you believe that she never yapped about a fanfic she read to her brother, you are strongly unfamiliar with sibling relationships. But the chances of him not listening to her are also very high, so maybe he shouldn't be so high up my list. But oh well.

He is also good at hiding his game, but he is as online as Charles (you thought you were sneaky but we caught you clicking on that link of Max playing air-hocket dear Osc.)

For my own mental health though, I will assume he hasn't read about his own self yet.

[vxnuslogy]

– in between missions.

pairing: sunday x gn!reader

premise: it's been an eventful six months since sunday joined the stellaron hunters. today marked one of their very rare day offs, and what better way to spend the day with the people that's taken care of him.

– warnings: slight angst if you squint, mentions of blood in some parts.

– author's note: updated the lore in this little mini-series (?) LMAOO thank you sunday leaks on sunday for bringing me back to life. so sorry for being a bit ia, tumblr has been such a pain in the ass that it slightly demotivated me to write. new layout for sunday fics too so yippie!! (totally not foreshadowing). art credits to 冒火锅海台 on Weibo for the art. | 4.1k words (LMFAO).

MORNING — 6:00 A.M.

before, sunday would wake up at the crack of dawn; waiting for the sun’s rays as he watered the plants he’d been taking care of. now –he still wakes up earlier than most– he spends his mornings in a big kitchen with the sound of kafka’s humming filling the bubbles of silences that start to form. it was always a pleasure helping the older woman cook everyone’s breakfast without having their loud bickering in the background (though sometimes he would grow paranoid if he never heard it throughout the day; he’s grown used to your voices).

before missions started, all the petty quips, and the laughter, sunday appreciated the quiet moments he gets to share with kafka.

“sunny, can you take over for me? i need to defrost silver wolf’s nuggets.”

sunday only hummed in response. body lazily slipping itself into kafka’s previous position of frying the leftover rice from yesterday. “sunny” was the woman’s name for him; a form of endearment, you said, she does it to everyone. sunday would never admit it himself (kafka often teased how adorable his morning voice was so he tried not to speak until after breakfast), but hearing that little nickname always sent a flurry of little butterflies down to his chest. collecting the pollen from the flowers you’ve carefully placed in between his ribs and spreading it all over his chest. no one has ever given him such a casual nickname before, so sunday had started to cling to it like a lifeline.

when the clock strikes 7:30, it usually means you're about to wake up. after patting his hands dry on a spare kitchen towel, sunday lifts his head and there you are. a small smile spread across his lips when you greeted kafka with a side hug. you still had your bed hair and your eyes were barely open; it was an endearing sight to see.

“good morning,” sunday snaps out of his daze when an arm wraps around his shoulder and pulls him close to your chest. sunday could distinctly smell the chocolate you ate with silver wolf the night before and the soft remnants of your scented candle. he let his head lean more into your touch as he mumbles a soft good morning straight to your heart. ignoring the pair of eyes that crinkle in amusement behind the kitchen counter.

by the time 7:50 rolls around, you’re fully awake. a cup of coffee in your hands as you, him, and kafka go door to door to wake up your little group. from the corner of sunday’s eyes, he sees kafka peer over blade’s door and a grumpy okay go through. on the other end, he sees you greet firefly good morning with a hug before disappearing into another hall to come and get elio. 

before he could even knock on silver wolf’s door, the wooden thing pulled open and he was met with the sight of the silver haired girl looking down at her game console. he chuckled in amusement, patting down the stray hairs that poked up and guided her to the kitchen. he made sure to ask if she’s beaten the boss yet and when she replied with an angry huff, sunday took it as a sign to not bring it up for a while.

it's already 8:10 when everyone is sitting down around the kitchen table. plates of warm fried rice, chicken nuggets, some slices of fruits, pancakes, and multiple cups of teas and coffees were laid down on the table. small chatter started to arise and sunday could feel the energy start to spike as well. as he took bite after bite until he felt your knee bump into his. when he turned to you, he was met with the sight of you pushing more food in his direction.

“you need to eat more,” you said before taking a bite of your pancake. “you’ll need the extra nutrients if you want to fly again.”

sunday just smiled and accepted your offerings without as much as a word.

roughly an hour passes before everyone is cleaning up their spaces. blade was on dishes duty while the rest went back to their rooms to get changed. sunday was in his quarters, buttoning up a spare polo blade had given him when he heard a knock on his door.

“good morning again.” you greet with a smile.

sunday smiled in return and urged you to come in. “good morning to you, too.”

“kafka and firefly are going out for groceries. do you want anything?”

sunday was taken back to the days where he would water the plants in his office back in the penacony. how he would run his finger down each leaf and smile to himself when a flower starts to bloom. if sunday only joined a few weeks ago, he’d declined immediately. but it's been almost half a year since he’s joined, and he’s feeling a bit more comfortable with asking for more personal things.

“plants,” he replies. “the small ones that are easy to take care of.”

you tilt your head curiously like an owl. “why plants?”

“i used to take care of some flowers back in dewlight pavilion every morning. i’d like to get back into that, if you don’t mind.”

sunday recognized that little smirk of yours. with a shake of his head, he accompanies you out his room after fixing up his hair and bid farewell to kafka and firefly.

“let’s get you all the plants you want then.” 

AFTERNOON — 2:38 P.M.

training in the afternoon was something sunday didn’t get quite used to. even now as he’s exchanging blows with blade, he feels quite unsure of his grip around the hilt of the wooden sword; how his footwork felt sloppy and uncoordinated. sunday wasn’t shocked (maybe, just slightly, a bit bitter) when the dark haired man knocked him off his feet for the seventh time in under two hours.

“you’re overthinking things too much,” the man grumbled, offering his hand to him. “it’s written all over your face; stop thinking about the nitty gritty things and start focusing on the task at hand. if you keep focusing on your opponent's footwork, you’ll end up ignoring his swings.”

“right, apologize. let’s go again.”

sunday had never felt such a competitive surge of emotions come over him whenever he trained with blade. the way he swung the charred sword in his hands; his body and how it moved so fluidly like water; and his determination to win despite beating him by more than a mile; it made sunday want to genuinely get better. blade fought like it would be his last battle, and he would go down with a fight.

“mister is getting better,” muttered silver wolf as she collapsed face first by your side, finishing her own training with elio. “he’s keeping up with the old man now.”

you brush away the bangs that stuck to her forehead and offer her a towel. elio, now in their cat form, sat down on your other side and started playing with the orange peels. “sunday has improved a lot huh? it feels like it was just yesterday when he first joined.”

“for reals.” the silver haired girl stretched and tried to reach over for the oranges.

a memory resurfaced in sunday’s mind when he caught sight of you peeling oranges for silver wolf. how you looked particularly at peace in the moment. his mind replayed the image of robin when she came back to penacony after the accident. he had such an intense amount of guilt for not being by her side at such a hard time, he isn't quite sure how to put it into words. 

“brother!” shouted robin as she entered his office, a bright smile on her face and her phone in hand.

before he could utter a word she had shoved her phone to his face, “an orange?” he asked with a confused tilt of his head.

robin nodded and said, “they say when someone close to you peels your oranges, it's a sign of having a strong relationship! is that why you’ve been peeling my oranges for me recently?”

sunday felt the wind be knocked out of him as his world turned upside down. blade had flipped him over to his back and as the cherry on top, whacked him on the head with his wooden sword. 

“for not paying attention,” he grumbled. “let’s call it a day.”

he didn’t get much of a word in when blade was already seated beside silver wolf (the girl shoving an orange slice to his mouth and him accepting it silently). sunday gets up from his lying position, patting down the dust on his (blade’s) clothes and takes a seat next to you. 

“do you mind opening your wings for me?” you ask as you place a small plate of orange slices on his lap.

taking one in his hand and a small bite, he lets the pair of wings by his waist stretch out and lay on your lap. your careful fingers and observant eyes scanning over every feather, smoothing out the ones that stuck out. it wasn’t long before silver wolf put down her console and started poking at his wings too.

“do you feel that, mister?” she asks.

he shakes his head with a small smile, “no, i do not.”

she only hummed and looked up at you. “will he be able to fly soon?”

you take a few seconds to respond.

“soon,” you mutter as your hands re-adjusted the exoskeleton that’s been supporting them. “they look better than when you first arrived. you seem rather curious, what gives?”

silver wolf pouted and shoved at you lightly. your chuckle rang in his ears like music. the same melodies he would play on his record player when the night feels too long. sunday leaned more to your side when the younger girl showed a pixelated character in her game and pointed to its wings. 

“when you fly again, mister, you have to take me with you!” she excitedly exclaimed with stars in her eyes. “i’ve always wanted to know what it feels like to fly.”

sunday felt a tug deep within his heart when he looked into her eyes. silver wolf, surprisingly, was very welcoming of him when he first joined. they got along fine and would even spend their free time in each other’s company. her excited demeanor reminded him of how robin looked when he first took to the skies. the animated expression on her face; her grin reaching her eyes; and the way she’s leaning forward in anticipation.

“when i fly again, i’ll be sure to let you know first.”

his reply was all the more worth it when the girl jumped in delight and landed on blade’s back. your laughter along with silver wolf’s excited blabbering and even blade’s protests made more flowers bloom inside his chest. sunday ceased his chuckling when he realized he had run out of oranges to eat. before he could even ask for more you’re already replacing his empty one with a new plate filled with peeled oranges.

“i can peel them myself, [name].” he says almost in a whisper.

“i know you can,” you dangle the orange peel in front of elio and let them play with it and stack them in a pile. “but let me do it for you.”

EVENING — 6:00 P.M.

“it’s my turn to decide what we get to eat!”

“it’s been your turn for two weeks. if anything, it’s my turn now.”

sunday could only push the two further and further apart, or at least try too. blade was a foot taller than him and obviously more bulked up than him; silver wolf might be the shortest but she knows how to use it to her advantage, zooming from one place to another like a little mouse. he could only plead with a lopsided smile when you enter the kitchen, your towel around your neck to catch the stray waters that dropped from your hair.

you sighed with the shake of your head and pulled silver wolf back into your chest. two arms snugly wrapped around her small shoulders as she kicked and pointed at blade. sunday on the other hand stepped in front of the man with a stretched arm, trying to calm down the silver haired girl as best as he could.

“at this point if you two can’t decide then i’ll just cook whatever i want.” you joked. both heads turned towards you and glared, but you only laughed and let silver wolf stomp her way to sit on the kitchen counter. “how about some sweet and spicy chicken for dinner? that way you both get what you want.”

sunday watched in amusement as silver wolf jutted her lower lip and mumbled on how she wanted cake. blade only slumped his shoulders and grumbled a low fine and started helping you take out all the ingredients from the fridge as well as the pans and bowls.

“i swear you two have worse cravings than a pregnant wom– ow!” you didn’t get to finish when blade purposely knocked your head when he opened a cabinet. your eyes narrowed at him while he only shrugged. a playful smirk on his lips as he shoved your head lower when you went to berate him.

a soft nudge on sunday’s back pushed him a bit forward. elio’s blue eyes in their cat form met his own gold ones and the two stared for a while. the cat motioned his head towards you and blade who chatted over dinner, not long, silver wolf also joined. 

“go join them.” was all they said before jumping down from the table and going to who knows where.

sunday didn’t get a chance to reply when a pair of arms snuck around his waist. he let out a noise between a surprised gasp and a shout that made you snort in amusement. when he turned to glare at you, you only stuck your tongue out and tied the apron around his waist.

“come help us make dinner, sunday.” 

and how could he say no when you’re already dragging him by the apron to the kitchen aisles with all the ingredients laid down.

by 7:15 p.m., kafka and firefly enter through the door and are met with a memorably amusing sight of sunday almost collapsing on their dining table as elio pushes a carton of milk to his direction. you and silver wolf were laughing at him with pointing hands and tears in your eyes. even blade cracked his own chuckle and rolled his eyes playfully as the halovian kicked him in the shin.

the taller woman surmised that sunday had fallen victim to blade’s insane spice addiction. the stray silver spoon on the table with the sauce was evidence. kafka let out a chuckle as firefly came over to his side –still keeping a bit of distance– and asking if he was alright.

“thought you were only getting groceries?” you ask with a raised brow. eyes surveying the amount of bags she and firefly had in their hands.

“there was a sale for clothes,” kafka reasoned. “how could we say no?”

you shake your head in disbelief and give the woman a side hug. “dinner will be ready in ten. help the poor angel soothe his tongue in the meantime.”

kafka laughed as she dropped her bags by the living room couch and guided sunday to sit down. firefly handed him an empty glass and offered to pour the milk in it. he shook his head no and did it himself. the poor boy downed the drink in one go and it didn’t seem enough to soothe his burning tongue so firefly went to get another carton from the fridge.

sunday furrowed his brows and stuck out his tongue. no doubt his taste buds won’t be working for a while.

“why does blade put so much spice in his food?” he questions the older woman who only smiled. her eyes glazed over to where the said man was and sunday followed. 

“bladie can’t taste anything that isn’t spicy,” kafka said, her eyes not once leaving blade’s figure. “a living corpse can’t really taste anything. spice is considered a pain sensation; pain is the only thing he can feel and taste.”

sunday frowns at this new information. he knows little of blade’s past and had made no effort to try and dig it up. he was curious, yes, but it must be an incredibly sensitive topic if every night the man slips away from his bedroom seeking you or kafka out to soothe the mara that’s coursing through his body.

“i… see.” a hand came to ruffle up his hair. he looked up to see kafka smiling down at him and handed him another cup of milk.

“try to ask him about it someday. maybe you’ll be able to help.”

sunday keeps that information at the back of his mind until everyone finishes cooking dinner.

the clock hit 7:25 and everyone decided to eat by the living room to see what kafka and firefly bought in their mini shopping spree. he sat in between you and blade on the floor, using the small coffee table in front of you to hold your food while silver wolf sat on the couch behind him. her legs over your shoulders and slouched on the couch.

time surprisingly passed slowly tonight. only ten minutes had actually passed of kafka showing off her new coat, but to sunday it had felt like eternity. he absentmindedly tossed his food around his plate, pushing away all the spicy pieces of chicken to the edge of his plate.

“not eating the spicy chicken now are we?” sunday whipped his head to blade and glared. warmth rising to his cheeks, wings fluttering in embarrassment when he remembered what had happened not too long ago. 

“your “normal” amount of spice nearly sent me to a coma,” he rebutted with a roll of his eyes. “so pardon me for not wanting to be sent to the hospital.”

you let out a loud laugh and leaned back on the couch. silver wolf was now using his head as support when she agreed wholly with his statement. firefly let out a quiet cough to silence her laugh while kafka chuckled. blade only rolled his eyes and took the pieces of chicken on his plate and placed it on his own.

“you said you wanted to try.” he argued back. a teasing lilt to his voice as he placed a piece of chicken to his mouth to add more salt to the injury.

“a grave mistake that was.”

you cease your laughing and lean on your propped up arm. “well look at you two, getting along so well!”

sunday scowled while blade scoffed. both picking up pieces of food and silently chewing. what started as a small bump of sunday’s elbow turned into a small petty argument about spice tolerance.

“it is quite sweet of you bladie,” kafka started. “for taking all the spicy pieces off of sunny’s plate, i mean.” 

you jumped to the wagon immediately and nodded. “agreed! you’ve never done that for anyone here before. i’m starting to think you’re playing favorites.”

“one more word and i’m dumping the rest of the chili oil on your plates.”

that had shut you up immediately. for extra measures, you scooted away from them both with your plate close to your chest. “shutting up now…”

NIGHT — 11:20 P.M.

sunday let out a long sigh as he tossed and turned in his bed. he had lost count of how many times he’s replayed tonight’s dinner in his mind to at least try and get some sleep and not be plagued by his nightmares. tonight was joyful, and he’d like to keep it that way till the end of the day. but his insomnia had struck him again like always. he’s already drunk two pills from the medication you bought him and it's yet to take effect.

with one last sigh, sunday threw off the sheets over his body and stalked out of his room as quietly as he could. the base was dark in the dead of night. the halls looked more ominous and longer than normal, something he believed was taken out of a horror film. when he first wandered these halls at this hour, sunday would feel the pricks of his paranoia.

but unlike the first time, there were no longer stray feathers of ravens following his wake. his feet weren’t stained by his blood as he dragged his body to the direction of salvation. in these halls, sunday wasn’t carrying a knife he used to plunge into his own chest to try and make the weight of the sins he didn’t commit a little lighter. he was free; free as he could be in the safety of everyone’s presence.

his gaze shifted to the slightly ajar door that led to your workshop. he frowned as he realized you were staying up late again. when he peered into the small crack, sunday was met with the sight of firefly hunched over your desk, sound asleep with stray pieces of fabric by her feet.

the nights at base were usually cold so sunday quickly walked to his room again to get a spare blanket. as quietly as he could, the halovian entered your workshop, silently cursing when the door creaked slightly. making sure he didn’t step on any of the fabrics on the floor, sunday draped the blanket over the girl’s shoulders.

another memory of his resurfaced. on nights like these, robin would sneak into his office with a pillow and blanket in her hands. she would guide his head gently to lay on the pillow and not the harsh wooden table and make sure the blanket over his shoulders didn’t slip until morning came. by instinct, sunday’s hand came to smooth down firefly’s hair and whispered good night.

he started picking up the stray pieces of whites, blues, and blacks from the floor and neatly folded them one by one. placing them in neat piles on your table. with one last look to firefly’s figure, he smiled to himself and quietly shut the door behind him. his next stop was the kitchen to brew himself a cup of tea.

“he’s gone now, firefly.”

even as you called out to her, firefly did not budge and kept her head in between her folded arms. you shook your head and sat down next to her. you had witnessed what happened and you could only guess the conflicted feelings the girl felt.

“do you think he’s a bad person, little knight?” you ask, hands picking up one of the fabrics sunday had graciously folded and laid them on the table. a measuring tape around your shoulders and a pencil snuggly on your ear.

“he’s done bad things, but…” you hum in reply. firefly’s voice was muffled because of her arms but you heard her perfectly fine, much to her dismay. “i don’t think he’s a fully bad person. i just find it… awkward to interact with him.”

“do you want to interact with him?” you wonder. “as friends i mean.”

firefly finally raised her head. hand clutching the blanket draped over her shoulders as the other ghosted over the spot where sunday had patted down and whispered good night.

“i don’t know.”

you only hum. “sunday is rather strange isn’t he? he’s quite the piece of work if you ask me.”

“what about you?” firefly fires back, scooting her chair closer to you. “do you think he’s a bad person.”

“no. no i don’t.” you answer immediately and feel firefly pause. “he’s kindest person i’ve ever met.”

“i see…”

you pat her head gently and fixate your gaze back to your table.

“he’s a lot more like us than anyone expected. sunday has done bad things that hurt those around him, but we’ve also done that haven’t we? take your time. all of us were lonely at some point, so it’s also his first time he’s ever craved someone’s company. we’ve all done that too, didn’t we?”

when a new day started (around 1:56 a.m.) she made her way back to her room. sunday’s blanket was still wrapped around her even when she laid down on her own bed. she never pointed out how you purposefully drafted a space for the ticket you’ve always hidden on sunday’s new uniform.

© vxnuslogy 2024. please do not copy, repost, or translate any of my works.

[chilling-seavey]

Dreamland (ln4) - Part Six

↳ A/N Here is the promised second part to part 5 since I get so carried away all the time and write too much for Tumblr to handle!!! Excited to hear your thoughts on this one hehe.

↳ Inspired By: 'Grapejuice' by Harry Styles

↳ Summary: George and Alex visit Lando in Monaco for a week that summer. Their visit seems to align perfectly well with the week where yours and Lando's situationship is tested the most

↳ Pairings: Fanboy Lando Norris x Famous!Author!Fem!Reader (NO use of y/n), University Student Lando x Internet Friend George x Internet Friend Alex

↳ Word Count: 11.9k

↳ Warnings: 18+, drinking, brief mentions of sex and similar and related adult endeavors.

PART FIVE || PART SEVEN

Lando was fast asleep the next morning, out like a light, as if he hadn’t slept in days. In the familiar warmth of your California king bed, he was at home in your presence and had been cuddling you close all night from the very moment you returned from the office and got into bed. He felt closer to you than ever and safe by your side. 

The movement of you turning around in his embrace had him rousing slightly and you slid your arms around his middle to nuzzle into his neck with a sleepy sigh. He gently rubbed your back and let his fingers tangle in the ends of your hair, touching you delicately and lovingly as you melted into him. Under the covers, your leg gently nudged its way between his just to feel him wrapped up with you as close as possible. He kissed your head. 

“Morning, sunshine.” you mumbled sleepily against his warm skin. 

“Morning, beautiful.” Lando rubbed your back. 

You leaned your head back to get a look at his face but the amount of brightness in the room had you startling, throwing yourself away from him just as he went to lean in for a kiss. Shocked, Lando watched as you threw the blankets off and you snatched your phone from the bedside table. 

“Shit!” you gasped. “I’m so late!” 

Lando sat up as you jumped out of bed and hurried around the corner to your closet to grab a random outfit in your rush. Still trying to wake up from his incredible sleep, he rubbed his eyes, “What time is it?”

“10:45!” you answered, coming back into the room pulling up your pants with a blouse tossed over your shoulder. “I must have forgotten to set an alarm!”

“I thought you were the boss and can decide when you go in.” Lando countered. 

“Not when I have a meeting.” you sighed, clipping your bra and pulling on your shirt over top. “A meeting that started fifteen minutes ago.”

“I don’t want you to go.” Lando pouted. He was slouched back against the pillows and headboard, arms stretching themselves awake above his head and he broke into a small yawn in the process. 

“Me neither.” you disappeared into the ensuite to apply the fastest face of makeup and brush your teeth. 

Although you were clearly in a rush, Lando felt no need to get up and he pulled your blankets higher around him cozily. He waited for your return, unbothered. You came back into the bedroom not long later, clearly stressed, and Lando sat up a bit more to lean towards you and grabbed your hand. 

“Take a breath, sweetheart.”

You didn’t tell him how much that simple sentence made your heart skip a beat. 

You merely leaned in and kissed his lips, “I gotta go, baby. Come on, I still have to drive you.”

Lando got out of bed finally and started to dress back in his clothes from the day before, “I can bus back to the hotel.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah. I know the way. Don’t worry about me.” 

“Okay. Thank you.” you said almost guiltily. 

Dressed and ready to go in seconds, Lando followed after you out of your bedroom and into the main area of your single-storey penthouse and you grabbed your work bags and slipped into your heels that had been left by the door the previous night. When you were both all ready to go, Lando slid his hand around your waist and pulled you close, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. 

You let go of the door handle and reached your hand to the back of his neck to kiss him a little more. You were already late. What was a few seconds more? 

With you in your heels and Lando in his sneakers, you were an inch taller than him but he adored that about you and his hands around your waist pulled you closer to his body even with the ever so slight tilt to his head to reach your lips. It was the faintest difference but he loved it. He loved you. 

“I really gotta go, Lan.” you mumbled against his lips. 

“Mhm.” he pulled away. “Just needed that before we have to go out and face society.”

You smiled sweetly and kissed him once more. Then you opened your front door and with the blessing of the late morning air, your façades were put up. 

Lando was back at the hotel by 12:00 after a bus ride into downtown. He was walking on air the whole way back to the room and with a proud smile at just the idea of how his friends would react, Lando swiped the key card and the door unlocked. 

Inside their shared hotel room, George was lounging back on his bed watching a football game on TV and Alex was standing by the adjacent desk shuffling through his bag. The sound of the door opening had them both looking over to where Lando stepped inside. 

“That’s a smug walk of shame if I’ve ever seen one.” George smirked. 

Lando just smiled wider and set his key on the dresser beside the tv, making his friends linger on the secrecy just a little longer. 

“Okay, spill it.” Alex pressed impatiently. 

“We talked…” Lando started slowly, dragging out his explanation syllable by innocent syllable, “I met her at the office after hours to confront her…we ordered dinner and just calmly talked it out.”

George and Alex blinked at him, waiting. 

Lando couldn’t hold it back any longer - the smile on his face was just growing impossible to smother, “But only after I fucked the shit out of her all over her office!” 

George and Alex burst into teasing laughter infused with proud celebration and Lando took their pride boastfully. He turned to the full length mirror on the hotel room wall and pulled up the bottom of his shirt to glance back at his reflection, showing off the fading red scratches that still lingered from the night before. 

“Holy shit!” Alex gaped and took the step over to turn him around to see better, “Lan, that’s your worst one yet.” 

George was right beside him in a second, giving Lando’s shoulder a shove, “Jesus, mate!” 

“Kid’s growing up.” Alex tisked, slinging an arm around Lando’s shoulders and ruffled his hair. 

Lando just laughed and shoved him away.

“It’s good to see you happy again.” George said. Alex agreed easily. 

“Yeah, well, it was a good night. In multiple ways.” Lando shrugged, “She really heard me when I explained why I was upset. She’s going to tell Pierre about us this weekend.” 

“Oh?” Alex raised his eyebrows, “That’s huge.”

“Stick it to him that you got his girl.” George nodded.

Lando licked away his smile, not wanting to admit that George’s words were exactly what he had been thinking since the moment you had assured him you would tell Pierre about your little situationship. After so much hurt from seeing the two of you together over the prior year or more, Lando finally felt like he was more himself and was going to have a secret little cup of payback where the boyfriend figure that had caused him so much heartbreak and stress was going to get a taste of it right back. 

Alex picked up his phone again and smiled down at the screen before typing away, his strange behaviour peaking Lando’s interest.

“What’s with you?” Lando asked. “Why are you so dressed up?”

“Dressed up? Alex looked down at his outfit, “I’m in a t-shirt.”

“And slacks.”

George took his seat back against the headboard again as he sang teasingly, “Alex’s got a date.”

“It’s not a date.” Alex corrected him for the nth time. He didn’t mention to Lando that he had told them where he was going the day before when they were around the pool. Lando had his mind elsewhere then and it was clear he forgot…it was understandable. Instead, he told him again, “Lily and I are going golfing today.”

“Right!” Lando snapped his fingers, “I knew that.” 

Alex smiled widely over at him and then looked back to his phone. He was obviously messaging her and George and Lando exchanged glances with their friend’s back turned. 

“Anyway,” Alex slid his phone into his pocket and clapped his hands together, “before she gets here, I wanna know all the filthy details from last night.”

“Oh and get your mind all gross before you go out on your first date with this girl? No way.” Lando tisked.

Alex gaped, “What? That doesn’t matter!”

Lando punched his arm, “Hey, I’m doing her a favour by not telling you. Otherwise you will have horrible thoughts in your brain and might try to lunge at her in the front seat of the golf cart.”

George dramatically ‘oooo’ed from a few paces away.

“Oh fuck off.” Alex tried to hide his blush as he turned away from him and pulled out his phone again. 

“Are you gonna try and kiss her at least after?” George asked. 

“I dunno!” Alex’s defences were up and it was clear by the tone in his voice, “It’s, like, our first time hanging out…that’s really soon. I don’t even know if she likes me like that.”

George pitched his eldest advice, “Well I don’t think her asking you out for lunch and a round of golf gives ‘I like you like a little brother’ vibes.” 

“Ew, mate.” Alex scrunched up his face. 

“I vote kiss her.” Lando said. 

“Same.” George without taking his eyes off the football game that was still playing on the tv.

“Stop, you’re making me nervous.” Alex grumbled, walking past Lando as he pulled his phone out of his pocket again, nervously checking for any notifications from her. With a gasp, he shut them up, “She’s here! How do I look?”

“Sexy.” George answered.

“Hot.” Lando answered at the same time. 

“‘Nice’ would have sufficed but thanks.” Alex shook his head. He was too nervous to be dramatic with them. He shared quick daps with his two best friends and then had to hurry out the door without a look back. 

Lando had just joined George to watch the football game when his own phone buzzed with a notification and he smiled at your name across his screen. 

-I miss you so much. I wish we could have just stayed in bed all day. Meeting is done and I just want to leave and see you. I’m just sitting in my office with vivid memories of how you fucked me last night…I swear this desk smells like you…I’m going crazy.  -Lily texted me saying she’s super nervous for this date with Alex…although she made sure to correct me that it wasn’t a date -It’s totally a date -Anyway, that just makes me miss you more. Would be bored out my mind at the golf course but with you I’m sure we’d make it fun -What are your plans tomorrow night? I’m thinking a huge group dinner with all of our friends before the guys have to leave? -Oh and I’m telling Pierre about us tomorrow morning. We have a PR meeting and I plan on telling him before it. The team can’t know but he can -Sorry I’m spamming I miss you -Miss you soooo much -💕💕💕

Lando was absolutely beaming as he read your messages, each one popping up at the bottom of your text thread as he held his phone in his hand. He was grinning so widely that he was almost shining and George shook his head from his spot nearby.

“Great, I’m totally fifth wheeling now.” 

Lando was so impatient to see you that he and his two best friends were already waiting at the curb when you pulled up the following evening to drive them to dinner. As usual, Lando claimed shotgun and it took everything in him to stop himself from leaning over and kissing you hello the moment he got in your car. He just shamelessly checked you out from the distance he was at, skimming your tight red dress that rested halfway up your thighs, simply asking him to touch you. He refrained. He was sure he deserved an award for best self control.

For Alex and George’s last night in the city, you were treating them to a classy restaurant known for its social media popularity among artists and influencers alike - but also known for its steak, dessert, and elaborate plate presentation. Lando felt slightly underdressed in his black slacks and t-shirt, made only slightly dressier with a black jacket overtop and finished with a silver chain he borrowed from Alex. With you at his side in a cocktail dress and strappy heels, Lando felt like he should have at least pulled out a button up. 

The location wasn’t too far away from the hotel and soon you were pulling into the parking lot beside the glass and wood trimmed restaurant. As usual, you were the first ones to arrive and you lingered in the parking lot in the light of the setting sun as you waited for your friends to join. Alex and George were talking amongst themselves with you and Lando close by although Lando was hardly focused on his friends. 

Standing right up at your side, he kept his hands in his pockets but whispered to you honestly, “You look so gorgeous.” 

You smiled at him, “Thank you. So do you.”

“Is this outfit okay?” he asked, glancing down at himself. 

“Yeah. The jacket is a nice touch.” you tugged gently at the open zipper. 

He couldn’t even offer a reply before Alex was calling out to your little group, “Lily is here!”

Oscar’s car pulled into the parking lot only a few short moments after you had and Lily, who was claiming the passenger seat, reached over to honk the horn a few times at the sight of you. Oscar swatted her hand away before focusing on carefully pulling into the empty parking spot next to your Mercedes. You and the guys moved forward to greet your newly arrived friends as they stepped out of the convertible in their own classy outfits that expertly matched the vibes of yours - almost as if it was their job to half the time. 

Alex - trying not to make much of a deal - slid casually between you and George to get to Lily first and he almost completely froze up for a second before they met for a quick hug. George snorted. You elbowed him. 

After Alex and Lily had gone on their not-date the previous day, you were surprised with a phone call from her once she had returned home by evening. She had told you everything - of course - from how they got along so well that there was hardly even a second of silence between them the entire afternoon as their conversations just flowed so easily. Honestly, she was completely gushing about him to you which only had you smiling proudly through the phone as she told you the details of their trip for ice cream after sharing a game of golf. You could almost hear the blush in her voice as she confessed how he had asked to kiss her at the end of the afternoon and how she let him; both of them sharing their first kisses with each other in the front seat of her car. 

Lando and George got similar recaps from Alex around the same time. They were always ones to confide in their best friends. 

But now, seeing each other for the first time since their not-date, there was a hint of awkwardness in the air as they were still figuring out where they stood. You and Lando shared knowing little smiles from the back of your small group. 

Your little group made your way to the front of the restaurant and Lily and Alex lingered at the back as they talked together. The host led you through the dimly lit restaurant to your reserved table for eight, leaving you with menus and a confirmation with you that anything you need, just let us know…the manager has already alerted staff of your party. It was a bit over the top you thought but you just smiled politely and took to your seat. Lando sat on your right with Alex beside him and Lily on the other end, leaving George and Oscar to sit across from them. There were two seats empty directly across from you and Lando but they were to be filled shortly. 

“I’m thinking a bottle of red for the table.” you announced, “Anyone want white or something else too?”

“Whatever you think is best.” Oscar answered. 

When your drinks were ordered and the waiter brought over the bottle, pouring you a taste, Lando’s gaze lingered on your red painted lips as you brought your glass to your mouth. He licked his lips slowly as you sipped and then licked your own, giving the waiter a nod with a smile so he could pour everyone a glass and leave the table with the bottle. 

You took your time to read over the menus and decide what you all wanted to order, letting the ambiance of the classy restaurant swirl around your warmly lit table. Lando could hardly process the words on his menu because he was trying so hard not to look at you. It was nice to be out with you in public but the constant need to be completely secretive nearly drove him crazy. 

Soon, your remaining two friends arrived to complete your reservation. Walking smoothly across the marble floor, two pairs of dress shoes clicked faintly behind the restaurant chatter and, with a handsome blonde on his arm, Charles greeted your group excitedly. 

Everyone looked over at them as they approached in their similar neutral toned outfits, perfectly classy and respectable for your chosen dinner venue, and as you and your friends broke into smiles at their arrival, the guys simply stared, mouths slightly open. 

It must have slipped your mind to mention to Lando that Charles’s boyfriend was finally going to be returning to town just in time for your dinner. Of course, he had heard about Max from Charles over the duration of the summer and seen the framed pictures on her desk in the office, but nothing compared to the real life essence of the real thing right in front of him. Lando was completely straight - and wholeheartedly dedicated to you, might he add - but he had to admit to himself that he had never seen a more stunning man in all twenty-one years of his life. 

“Max!” you almost cheered, hopping out of your seat to rush over to greet them.

Max smiled warmly at you and offered out his one arm that wasn’t claimed by his boyfriend to welcome your friendly hug. It only lasted for a second or two before you were all returning to the table and as Max took his spot across from Lando, Charles was gladly placing himself in the seat beside. 

You briefly introduced Max to the guys, finishing with a passé touch to Lando’s arm when you introduced him third. Best for last, subconsciously. From the spot across from him, Max let a little smile play at his lips as he eyed up Lando. 

“I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Lando’s eyes widened, “I- What?”

Max, with his arm around the back of Charles’ chair, said, “This one has kept me updated on everything that has been going on since I’ve been gone.”

Lando was suddenly going pink in the cheeks at the concept that Charles could have told him everything. It was lucky for him that the restaurant lighting was so dim. 

As if playing it off, Max followed up, “How’s the job?”

Lando cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure, “It’s…really great.”

“I bet.” Max picked up his wine glass and took a sip, peaking one of his brows over the edge in Lando’s direction. 

He totally knew more than he let on. 

Changing the subject, you asked eagerly, “How was Paris, Max?”

“Beautiful.” Max answered, his voice rich and full, “I was lucky I could see some sights between work.”

Alex piped up, “What do you do for work?”

Max only smiled modestly but Charles answered proudly for him, patting his hand against his chest, “He’s a model.” 

“Shit.” George gaped. 

“Believable, right?” Oscar said with a smirk. 

“Yep, front page of Cartier’s spring collection will be this handsome face.” Charles bragged. 

Max kissed his cheek.

Lando watched their obvious shows of affection with wide eyes, unfamiliar with such displays, and he looked over at you as if to check to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. You glanced back at him and shared a brief smile. He could see the way your eyes dropped briefly to his lips as if wanting to kiss him too. You couldn’t. You turned back to your friends, picking up your glass of wine. 

The waiter returned to take orders and as you all waited for appetizers to arrive, conversation returned to Max’s travels and all that he accomplished in Paris between studio shoots and on-location shoots…interviews, promo, and ceremonies. He promised that next time he would go, he would go for leisure; to which he added a casual drape of his arm around the back of Charles’ chair and a sweet compliment that he would take him with him. He spoke of creating art at the base of the Eiffel Tower, tea in the picturesque cafés…Lando was envious, his heart aching for that too. He looked back at you, staring at the way you rested your chin in your hand and watched with admiration how the lovebirds spoke together. 

“But for now I’m just happy to have you home.” Charles said adoringly.

Max leaned into his touch, “First person I looked for when I got off the plane.”

Oscar’s little teasing gag from the other end of the table had you all chuckling and Max only scooted his chair closer to his boyfriend and draped his arm around him. 

Charles smiled over at Lando’s obvious staring, “Yeah, you’re going to be seeing a lot of him around the office now.”

Max nodded, his expression scarily serious, “Going to make sure you stay on task.”

Lando offered a slightly nervous laugh. 

The appetisers arrived shortly after and you all took a moment to begin eating, the clatter of cutlery filling your table rather than conversation. Lando couldn’t help but keep looking at you, watching the way you rested your napkin on your lap or the gentle way you poured your dressing over the salad in front of you. He looked down to his own bowl and nudged a piece of lettuce with his fork. 

With a smile, you directed to your friends across from you, “Well I’m glad that you allowed your first date back together to be with all of us.” 

“Of course. All my favourite people.” Charles said easily. 

“And we have lots of time for our own dates.” Max added, his hand on his thigh gently caressing him, “We are visiting the art museum tomorrow, right, darling?” 

Lily spoke up, “I haven’t been in so long. I hear they have a new photography exhibit.” 

“Yes! That is what encouraged me to buy tickets.” Max agreed with a smile. 

“Speaking of dates though…” Charles faded out, offering a smirk in Lily’s direction, “Anything you want to share with the table?”

Everyone looked over. Alex cleared his throat.

“I hear it went well.” you added, sending Charles a little smile from across the table. 

“Shut up.” Lily snapped, although her tone was more embarrassed than upset. 

You leaned forward to look down to her end of the group, “Oh come on, everyone at this table knows.” 

“Little golfing…little ice cream…little kissing…” George sang teasingly. 

“Okay.” Alex laughed nervously.

“I guess the date was,” you giggled, “a hole in one.”

The table groaned at your horrible pun but Lando just licked away his smile and glanced over at you. You peaked a brow at him as if to say ‘impressive, right?’ and he just laughed softly and shook his head. Your hand on his thigh startled him slightly, unprepared for any sort of touch from you, and he dropped his hand on top of yours for a moment as the table continued harassing poor Alex and Lily about their date. Lando gave your hand a squeeze for a second before you were pulling away to be just as inconspicuous as you were expected to be. 

Appetizers came and went and soon you were awaiting the entrees. The bottle of red wine was emptied and replaced by the waiter and you were well onto your second glass by then, poured by Lando’s own hand for you while he topped up his own. 

Despite the conversation that lingered among your group, Lando was more focused on the private moments between Charles and Max across from him. He tried not to stare but it was hard when they were everything he wanted to be with you. Whether it was their hand holding or sharing fleeting kisses or even the way one would wipe the corner of the other’s mouth free of sauce with the edge of his napkin, Lando just wanted that to be him and you. You seemed oblivious though as your focus was on George who was deep in explanation about something Lando had already heard probably twice over. Lando sipped his wine. 

Lando was hooked on the way Charles and Max interacted. Their sweetness nearly made him equal parts smiley and jealous. He only imagined it to be you and how maybe one day he would be able to kiss you at dinner or feed you dessert from his fork like the perfect pair. He was so in his head that he didn’t realize he had already cut through his steak until the knife screeched against the plate, earning displeased words from the group. He stuffed the bite in his mouth without saying anything else. 

“Can I steal a fry, mon cœur?” Charles gestured to his boyfriend’s plate. 

He nodded, “Of course, darling.”

Lando set his fork down and tried to distract himself with his food. He skimmed the table for the salt and then nudged your arm gently, “Can you pass the salt, sweetheart?”

The whole table literally stopped what they were doing and looked at him in shock, silence falling quickly over your group.

Lando’s cheeks burned as he stared at your wide, warning eyes. 

“I-I mean-” Lando cleared his throat, “Not sweet- because it’s salt…I’m…”

Alex snorted from his other side, “Nice save.”

You grabbed the salt and passed it to him. Lando lowered his voice quickly, “I’m sorry- it just slipped out.” 

“We can’t afford slip ups, Lan, come on.” you whispered back, glancing around at the nearby tables just to make sure no strangers had heard. You might have been a little paranoid. 

“I know. I’m sorry.” 

You set your hand on his knee under the table, “It’s okay.”

Lando salted his steak a little before grabbing his wine glass and finishing the last bit in one long sip, trying not to focus on the way your touch burned across his skin. George smothered his smile at him from across the table, hiding it behind a bite of his own dinner. 

Max had inquired about how your work was going and you spoke to it happily, explaining how your writing was progressing and the few meetings you had booked for the next week. Lando could have listened to you talk about your passion for writing for hours. The way you lit up just made his eyes turn to hearts. Your writing was how he fell in love with you after all, and nothing was more special to him than that. 

You set a hand on his arm, “But of course, my wonderful intern here has been an incredible help this summer.”

All knowing about your little situationship, your friends all shared little ‘ooo’s and smiles. 

You looked over at Lando who was already staring at you and you spoke to the table as you looked right at him, “Even willing to stay late some nights…get some extra work done.” 

“Anything for you.” Lando whispered. 

You sent him a little wink.

“Hopefully it’s enjoyable work.” Charles pressed. 

“Never done anything better.” Lando answered smoothly. 

“Yeah, because you’ve never done anything before.” George dissed. 

The table filled with laughter and Lando only rolled his eyes, suppressing the desire to throw George’s virginity back in his face like always. He wanted to be good for you. 

Alex held out a fake microphone to Lando at his side, “No rebuttal?”

Lando leaned towards nothing in his hand, “Nope. I’m being the bigger man.”

“Yeah, you are.” you said in a little sing-song voice, earning teasing laughter from your friends and a furious blush from Lando who still managed to smile at you despite your words. Only you knew the boundaries enough to push them. 

A clatter from across the table tore your attention away from Lando’s longing stare to Charles and Max’s slight worry as he tended to his shirt with his napkin. 

“Oh no…I’m so sorry, schatje.” Max cooed, “Come on, I’ll sort you out.”

With nothing less than a grin, Charles took his hand as he stood up and Max helped him to his feet. Charles’ barely visible spill on the front of his shirt peaked your brow as you sipped your wine and watched them walk off hand in hand towards the bathroom. 

Lily tutted with a light laugh, “Typical.”

Lando looked between her and you, his expression stagnant. 

You only rolled your eyes with a knowing smile and set your glass back on the table so you could lean towards him to whisper, “They’re going to get each other off in the bathroom.”

His eyes widened and he stared off in the direction that they had disappeared in and then he looked back at you as you finished your meal. Your short tight dress and gentle smile had him craving to touch you all night and your friends’ obvious displays of affection were doing nothing to help calm his feelings. Their sneak-off only felt to be the weight on his chest moreso. 

Lando poured you both another glass of wine. 

He didn’t mean to time them, but Lando checked his phone once he saw Charles and Max heading back towards the table through the tightly seated restaurant, his heart only aching at the fifteen minutes that had passed and how much he knew he could do to you in that time. He couldn’t help himself but slide his hand under the table to rest over your lap and you scooted your chair closer to the edge so he was hidden by the tablecloth. 

Lando took that as your permission and he inched up the hem of your dress ever so slowly as your group was completed again and you greeted your once missing friends casually. Oscar and Lily exchanged little knowing smirks from across the table and the waiter began to clear the empty dishes. Lando tried to look casual but he couldn’t not look at you and he slipped his hand up your short dress and slid them between your snug thighs to feel your lacey panties nestled warmly there. He wanted to take you to the bathroom next. 

But instead, you discreetly nudged his hand away and he was forced to return to his solitude at a table full of partners. He was forced to watch as Charles and Max fed each other spoonfuls of dessert and as Alex and Lily spoke excitedly about their shared interests and as George and Oscar were in lighthearted friendly discussion about the last Formula 1 race weekend. Lando was so damn antsy. 

Once everyone had finished their dessert, you paid the bill in full and everyone got up to head out to their cars. Lily and Alex led the group in their own little world of two, with you and Charles and Oscar and George pulling second in some deep conversation Lando wasn’t listening to. He took his time gathering his things and followed after you, trying not to stare at the way your dress hugged your ass with each step in your heels. 

The presence of someone at his side startled him slightly and he looked over to see Max standing beside him. Only an inch or so taller than him, Max smiled at him and walked alongside him at the back of your group towards the Monte Carlo evening. 

“So, how are you really doing?” Max asked.

“Oh…I’m fine.” Lando answered politely, unable to even really meet his eye with how unbelievably intimidating this man was. 

“Really? You seemed kind of on edge all night.” Max mentioned, sliding his hands in the pocket of his fitted dress slacks.

Lando just shrugged, “Nah, it’s nothing. Just hard that we can’t be as mushy as you and Charles when we’re out.”

Max smiled as if he already knew that was going to be the answer, “I get that. Having a job in the public eye isn’t easy. She must really like you if she’s risking so much to stick with you…even when it’s hard to keep it under wraps.” 

“I guess.” 

They stepped out onto the sidewalk with the rest of your group and you all kept in your little sections to finish up your individual conversations before you would all have to go your separate ways. Max stuck with Lando to the side, offering him insight from his own experience that his best friends couldn’t offer him. 

“Charles and I started a similar way.” Max explained quietly, “I was so paranoid of how my followers would see me and how the press would react…it took a while to feel comfortable with myself to be able to take it public. It’s nothing personal so don’t think she’s ashamed of you. Believe me, I know her well, she talks about you more often than she doesn’t.”

As he listened to the advice, Lando let his gaze drift the few paces away to where you stood and you glanced back at him to share a little warm smile before turning back to your friends and your loud, boisterous conversation. You sparkled in the street light under the city-polluted starry sky. Lando looked back to Max.

“Thanks, mate.” he mumbled, “I just really, really like her. I might even love her, y’know?”

Max smirked knowingly, tilting his head slightly to stare down his nose at Lando, waiting for him to go on. 

“And I just wanna be able to show her.”

“It’s not all about public displays.” Max explained, “You can show her that you love her in so many other ways. And when the time is right, it will happen. But you don’t need it. You two still looked like the cutest couple in the whole damn restaurant without even trying.”

Lando nodded and there was a pause between them. Then, he added, just to cover his bases, “And please don’t tell her that I told you that I love her. I haven’t exactly told her yet.” 

“She knows.” Max said. “The way you look at her? She’s got to know.”

From a few paces away, right on time, you called out, “Lando!” 

He turned over his shoulder to you, spotting you bathed in the light of the restaurant entrance and the smile you wore was just as beautiful as your dress. You waved him over, ready to go.

He grinned right back, “Coming!”

Lando turned to Max once more who gave him a pat on the shoulder and one last knowing smile before saying, “Now go get her.”

“Thanks.” Lando exhaled giddily, refueled with energy after the little motivational speech from his newly acquainted. He called his goodnights to the rest of your group of friends as Charles returned to Max’s side, and then he was hurrying after you towards your car. 

You were climbing into the driver's seat of your Mercedes when Lando joined you and he helped himself to the passenger side. The doors were shut behind you and the world fell to silence as the outdoors was muffled slightly and you breathed a sigh of relief of being back to just the two of you and away from the prying public in the restaurant. 

“Did you have a good evening?” you asked him as you turned your key in the ignition. 

“Yeah. Dinner was amazing. Thank you.” he answered easily. 

You turned on the air conditioning faintly to cut the heat from the Monaco summer that raged around you but you left your car in park. You looked over at him, “You seemed quiet tonight, is everything okay?”

Lando just smiled at you and your concern and he nodded, “Yes. I’m fine.”

You hesitated a moment as if not believing him but you passed it off, knowing he would come to you if he needed, “Okay.” 

“How was your talk with Pierre?” Lando asked, his curiosity getting the better of him and overpowering the craving he felt for you. 

You smiled over at him, “It went so well.”

“Yeah?” Lando’s heart raced with hopefulness. 

“Yeah. He said he’s happy for us…said he’s glad I found someone who can keep up with me.”

Lando held his hand out to you under the line of the dashboard, “Always.” 

You rested your hand in his and your fingers intertwined. 

“I feel lighter now that I told him.” you confessed. “I think it was really eating at me. I don’t know why. Maybe now it just proves that he is past…and you are my present.” 

“And your future hopefully.” Lando breathed. 

You gave his hand a squeeze, “Yes.” 

“I’ve wanted to kiss you all night since the second I saw you…now only moreso.” 

“Yeah?” you let a small smile come to your face and he watched how you licked your red painted lips through the hazy warm light that dusted your silhouettes in the night air. 

“Hated watching Charles and his boyfriend like that all evening when I couldn’t do the same with you.” he whispered. 

“I know.” you agreed quietly, “And not even just the little things…I kinda wanted to sneak off with you too. Is that weird?”

“Not weird at all.” Lando shook his head easily, “I did too.”

You giggled softly, keeping your gazes locked and your hands in each other’s on your lap, and you lifted your head from where it had been resting against the driver's seat and you shifted slightly so your body was turned more towards his. There were a few seconds of silence between you where you just stared at each other with calm and content smiles on your lips and his thumb rubbed over your knuckles. 

“You called me ‘sweetheart’.” you said softly. 

“You are my sweetheart.” he replied just as gently. 

“I like when you call me that.” you admitted, keeping the hushed voice between you even if it were only the two of you around in the security of your car. “It’s cute…makes me all blushy.” 

“Mhm?” he raised his free hand up to stroke the back of his finger over your warm cheek and he tucked your hair behind your ear. 

You smiled at him and shuffled slightly to lean towards him a bit more, letting him trace the features of your face with a gentle touch. He knew you like the back of his hand - he was infatuated with you after all - but he lingered on every inch of you like he had to memorize you all over again. Your skin was warm from the alcohol and your strong feelings, and your eyes fluttered shut peacefully, wholeheartedly trusting of him. 

“I want to kiss you.” you breathed, a common sentence between you since the moment he landed in Monaco at the beginning of the summer. It acted as a placeholder for dozens upon dozens of kisses that could not be completed due to your public standing. 

“I always want to kiss you.” Lando answered, dropping his hand from your face as he leaned against his seat, the both of you facing towards each other in the front seat. 

You pondered a moment before speaking quietly, “Kiss me.”

Lando chuckled, “Take me home then.”

“Kiss me now.” you ordered. 

Lando’s eyebrows furrowed for a second and he glanced out the dashboard to the half full restaurant parking lot that you were in the middle of, the only sign of life being Oscar, Lily, Alex, and George in the distance, still lingering by the front doors of the restaurant together. He looked back at you. Your eyes were open and you were staring at him. 

“Kiss me, Lando.” you repeated. 

“Are you sure?” he asked, his heart hammering in his chest. 

“Yes. Come on. Please?” you reached out a hand to rest against his chest, fingers grasping onto the front of his black t-shirt. “Kiss me.” 

He raised his hand back to your face, cradling your jaw in his hand as he moved in smoothly and pressed his lips to yours before you could change your mind. You hummed happily against his mouth as you shared a few single lingering kisses before you were parting his lips with your own and tugging at his shirt to get him closer. He leaned half over the centre console and you did the same, pushing your tongue against his between deep sensual kisses that filled his cravings so perfectly. 

He could taste the rich red wine on your tongue and your lips and he held your head close to linger on the flavour, sucking gently on your bottom lip until you moaned into his mouth and tangled your hand in the back of his hair. Tilting his head to the opposite side, he guided you to follow him and your fingers that were laced with his still on your lap only gave his hand a little squeeze to share your appreciation with how he took control. So much had changed in a few short months. 

“Lando…” you breathed between kisses, your words swallowed up by his lips once more. 

“Sweetheart.” he replied back, knowing exactly what he was doing with a smile to his tone of sweet buttery voice. 

The way you inhaled shakily into his kiss had him chuckling lowly between wet kisses, his thumb drifting around your throat to choke you slightly - just how you liked it - as he took the breath from your lungs. Maybe it was the faint alcohol in your system or maybe it was the wholehearted hold he had on your heart but you were dizzy. With your fingers pressing into the back of his neck, you shoved your tongue into his mouth desperately, your heart racing on the riskiness of your steamy late night makeout and Lando’s hand tightened around your throat. 

“Oh my God, I missed you.” you whimpered against his mouth, even though it had only been a day since you had seen each other. 

“I missed you so much.” Lando replied breathily. 

You moaned happily against his kiss and let him lick his way into your mouth until your kisses were growing faster, more desperate, and you were absolutely burning for him. You could have ripped his clothes off right then and there in the front seat of your car. 

A snap of blinding light startled you out of your lust-filled trance and a quick second one had you pulling away from his lips in slightly confusion, only to be bombarded with a wave of camera flashes and shutters through the glare of your windshield. Lando didn’t know what was happening at first - for a second he swore he was seeing the gates of heaven - but your sudden panic solved any of his confusion. 

Your hand tore from his and you ducked yourself behind your steering wheel, “Fuck! Oh my God!” 

Lando stared out the windshield, squinting in the floods of lights and shouts, until you grabbed the chain around his neck and yanked him down with you to hide behind the dashboard the best you could. The panic in your face was terrifying and he simply stared dumbly at you, not knowing what to do or say. 

You fumbled with your purse as there were knocks at your window and cameras pressed against the glass and you struggled to pull out your phone. But Oscar - who was thankfully still on site across the parking lot - had already seen what was going on. It was hard to miss. 

He wasn’t an overly confrontational person but he took his job seriously and when part of his job called for protecting you and your image? You best bet he was on it. 

George, Lily, and Alex had to nearly run to keep up with his quick pace across the parking lot to the crowd of paparazzi that had seemed to come out of nowhere and swarm your car. Shouting questions at you as the flashes of their cameras blinded you, the group wasn’t overly large but enough to overwhelm you and you kept Lando ducked down until the cameras slowed and Oscar was at your window. The moment you rolled it down, questions were shouted at you again (“Whos that?” “Where’s Pierre?” “Are you cheating on your boyfriend?”) but you were only focused on Oscar who leaned into your car with Lily right at his side - and Alex and George acting like their personal shields the best they could. Lando met his friends’ gaze and they didn’t know what to do. 

“Back out of here.” Oscar told you firmly. “Just drive, okay? Text me when you get home. Go.” 

You nodded and rolled up your window, keeping yourself ducked down the best you could as you shifted your car into reverse and backed out of the parking spot as smoothly as you could, your engine roaring loudly as you nearly floored it out of the lot and onto the street. Lando peered out the window at the disappearing parking lot and Alex and George standing helpless with furious Oscar and Lily who were cursing off the paparazzi. 

He turned forward in his seat again, staring wide-eyed out the front window. Did that really happen? Neither of you spoke a word the whole way back to your house. Lando certainly didn’t want to make the first move since the pale colouration of your grief stricken face was enough to stun him into complete silence. 

In fact, no words were spoken until you were safely in your apartment. Lando had to nearly run after you as you stalked out of the car and into the elevator and then through your front door, tossing the keys on the kitchen island on your way in. Lando shut the front door behind you both. 

“I-” he started.

“I’m fucked.” you cut him off, turning back to him as you pushed an emotional hand through your hair. You were trembling. “I’m so fucked!” 

“Baby-”

Pacing the floor, you could hardly breathe and your shaking hands were tugging at the roots of your hair, rambling anxiously to him as your voice quivered with emotion, “I could I be so stupid? I’ve been so careful for years to protect my image…my career…I shouldn’t have had so much wine tonight. I shouldn’t have been so stupid. They had a clear fucking view. That’s going to be everywhere tomorrow morning. There’s going to be a picture of your tongue in my mouth on the international fucking news tomorrow morning…I’m so dead.” 

Lando didn’t even know what to say to comfort you so he offered the only thing he could think of to say, “I’m sorry.”

You stood in front of him and took a shaky breath before letting it out with a flat, “It’s not your fault.”

“I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“I asked you to.”

“So? I still shouldn’t have done it.”

You held your face in your hands, crying out a weak, “Oh, God, Lando.” 

“It’s okay.” Lando moved closer and wrapped you up in his arms, “It’s going to be okay.”

He didn’t dare tell you the slight selfish excitement that thudded in his chest that maybe this was the chance that he would be able to go public with you. Maybe it wasn’t ideal if you were forced out but it might have been the push you needed. You sniffed back your forming tears and let your arms snake around his waist, tucking your face in his neck as he rubbed your back to try and ease your stresses. 

“I’m gonna be in so much trouble.” you mumbled. 

“From who?”

“My management team…PR…all of them. I’m going to have to make a statement and somehow cover this up.” you pulled away from him as the anxieties rose again in your chest. “Oh God.” 

“Just breathe for a second, sweetheart.” Lando whispered, taking your hand, “What good is it going to do to just stress out before anything-”

Your phone rang from your purse and you hurried to pull it out, answering it right away as you saw Oscar’s name on the screen and you put it on speaker, “Hello?”

“Hey. Did you get home?” he asked. 

“Yeah, sorry. Just a few seconds ago. I’m kinda flipping my shit.” you answered, rubbing your temples tiredly. 

“Don’t. I got them to delete it.”

Your entire expression changed and you and Lando shared wide glances. You looked back to your phone, “What?”

“Yeah. Lily and I made them delete the pictures in front of us. They’re gone. You’re good.”

“Oh, Osc.” you whimpered, slumping onto one of the kitchen island stools, “Fuck, mate, I could kiss you.”

“I think enough kissing has been done tonight.” he laughed softly, trying to lighten the situation. 

Lando smiled slightly. 

“I owe you one.” you said.

Osacr tisked, “No way. It’s just my job. And you’re my best friend.”

“I wonder how they knew we were there.” you wondered aloud. 

Lando scuffed the toe of his shoe on the floor, mumbling quietly, “Maybe Pierre tipped them off for a revenge plot.” 

You nudged him playfully, “Pierre would not tip them off.”

“No way.” Oscar added through the phone. “This was probably just a fluke. It’s a popular place.”

“True.” you sighed. 

“You okay?” Oscar asked. 

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Get some rest, okay?”

“You too. You did good work, Osc.” 

“Thanks.” 

There was a muffled voice in the background through the phone. 

Oscar spoke again, “Oh and Alex and George want to know if Lando’s coming back to the hotel tonight.”

You and Lando looked at each other but he waited to let you answer since it was your house after all. You answered them without taking your eyes off him, “No. I’m keeping him tonight. I’m gonna need serious de-stress cuddles after this little event.”

Oscar passed on the message and as he did so, Lando stepped closer to you and brushed his fingers through your hair, letting you lean forward to rest your cheek against his chest. You said your good nights to your friends and then your phone was turned off, leaving you and Lando alone. 

Wrapping your arms around his middle, you let out a deep breath to let your tension melt away and you shut your eyes tightly to just hold onto him a little longer. Lando scratched his fingers gently through your hair and his other hand rubbed over your back and shoulders, letting you take as long as you needed right there. 

“Feeling better?” Lando asked you quietly. 

You nodded against his body. 

“Want me to help you get into bed?”

You sniffled and held him a little tighter around the waist, “I don’t want you to go.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” he chuckled, “You have me all night, remember?”

“No, I mean I don’t want you to go home. To England.”

Lando had been trying not to think about it as the summer was approaching its end and that meant he was soon to return to his rainy home country and leave sunny Monaco behind. Leave you behind. He had only three weeks left. 

“I have a whole three weeks left.” he said, trying his best to comfort you. Your sadness over the idea of him leaving was slightly comforting, feeling validated that you cared about him just as much as he cared about you. 

“Too short.” you mumbled. 

“Let’s not think about that right now.” 

“Okay.”

He brushed your hair over your shoulders and down your back, petting your head gently. You held him tightly and buried your face in his chest. 

The ‘I love you’ was frozen on his tongue. 

As you had anticipated, the three weeks nearly flew by. Alex and George went home only one day after your group dinner, leaving Lando to face the remainder of his stay alone again. But he wasn’t totally alone since he spent almost every day with you. The last week was a little touch and go as you kept putting off your after-work plans without much of an explanation and Lando was starting to feel a little worried that he was going to have to face his last week mostly alone. The girls didn’t seem to offer him much comfort, only shrugging and assuring him that you had deadlines to meet and those waited for no one. 

But his last day he spent with you, ordering food together on Friday night and eating in your bed while watching a movie before cuddling the night away. You didn’t eat much that night and it was apparent that his impending departure was weighing on you, he was sure. Even still, you didn’t leave his side and you slept cuddled up in his arms well into Saturday morning. Well, to him you slept soundly. In reality, you were awake most of the night, just listening to his heartbeat and his breaths and the thoughts swirling in your mind. 

His flight was in mid-afternoon so it gave you some time to wake up in the morning and stop at a café for breakfast before returning to his hotel to gather the last of his things. You were quiet on the drive across the city and Lando held your hand as you drove. Your teeth were stuck in your bottom lip as if they were permanently meant to be there. He gave your hand a squeeze. 

In his hotel room, you sat on the end of the second bed that had been George and Alex’s for only a week while you watched Lando pack up his things. Time was ticking and Lando’s dread was only rising with the minutes that passed. He didn’t want to leave you but part of him was also stressed about missing his flight. He was lingering in this weird emotional purgatory. In all honesty, he didn’t want to face an emotional goodbye with you that would inevitably make him cry. So he tried not to think about it - he didn’t even want to look at you as you sat there quietly and let him pack - and he busied himself. 

“Lan?” you called softly, your voice faint. 

He didn’t answer, tucking his socks and underwear in his suitcase.

“Lando?” you tried again, a little louder. 

“I know, I should put the bigger things in first.” he said, turning back to the dresser to open the next drawer down and take out his stack of jeans and pants. “I’m just going drawer by drawer…I don’t totally care.”

“Lando, can I-”

“I don’t think I should have bought so many clothes here…I don’t know how they’re all going to fit in this suitcase under fifty pounds.” he rambled, starting to empty out all the drawers onto the bed first to see what he was dealing with. 

You stayed sitting on the opposite bed. He didn’t look at you because he could already feel himself getting a little choked up.

He moved to the closet and opened the doors to take his few things off the hangers, “Maybe I should wear layers? Or leave my underwear and socks behind…those are cheap. Mom can buy me new ones. I guess that’s the good thing of still living at home, right?”

He didn’t wait for an answer as he returned to his bed and started to messily shove things inside. You didn’t have an answer to give him. You stayed quiet for a few seconds, just watching him pack ungracefully. 

Lando tried to fold things as small as he could get them but he was emotional and his mind was muddled and he ended up just jamming stuff wherever it fit. He huffed. 

You stood from the end of the opposite bed, “Lando, please, can I just-”

He walked away quickly and into the bathroom, “I need my wash stuff.” 

You lingered where you stood in the centre of the room and that’s where you were when he returned, glancing at you for a brief second before he was shoving his zipped up toiletry kit into his suitcase too. He didn’t look at you long enough to see how you were wringing your hands together. 

“Razor…toothbrush…hairbrush…” Lando muttered to himself, “Maybe I should snag some of the hotel’s free sample things.”

He hurried back into the bathroom. On his way back out, you tried again. 

“Please, can I just say one thing?”

“Is it silly to bring the hotel soaps home?” he asked, shoving them in his suitcase anyway, “They’re kinda cute…shaped like little leaves.” 

“Lando.” you said strongly. 

“Oh, I need my chargers.” 

He passed by you again. 

“Lando.” you strained. 

“I think my passport is in the safe with my laptop. Can’t forget those.” 

“Lando.” your voice broke slightly. 

He stuffed his laptop and his chargers into his backpack, struggling with how his hands were shaking, “I didn’t know I had so much stuff. Monte Carlo makes a guy materialistic, huh?”

Emotionally, you crumpled to the ground in frustration, knees to your chest, crying out in defeat, “Lando, please.” 

Your sudden drop had him turning right to you, startled by the way you just burst into tears on the floor, your face in your palms as you completely sobbed. He dropped whatever he was holding and knelt in front of you quickly and pulled your hands from your face to guide you into a hug, making you hold onto him as you cried. 

“Baby.” he cooed, rubbing your back, struggling to hold back his own tears, “Don’t cry.”

“Just stop packing for a second.” you said softly, your voice quivering. 

“Okay. I’m here.” Lando promised. “I’m here.” 

“I need to talk to you.” you mumbled against his shoulder. 

“You had all night to talk to me.” he chuckled, leaning back slightly so you could move out of your embrace and he could look at your face properly. 

“I was going to tell you something last night but I got scared…I was going to tell you five days ago but I put it off and now it’s last minute and…God, I’m such a pussy.” you tisked, pressing the heels of your palms into your eyes. 

Lando gently took your wrists and guided your hands away so he could hold them in his own, rubbing his thumbs over your knuckles, “No, you’re not. What is it?”

Your bottom lip trembled as you looked at him, your vision blurred with tears, and he tried so desperately to read your expression, trying not to psych himself out that you were ending things with him or any other worst case scenario that could have been playing on your mind. Your mouth tried to form words but no sound came out minus a little squeak of anxiety that had Lando chuckling nervously. 

“What is it, you muppet?” he encouraged you sweetly, “You can tell me anything.”

You sniffled and silent tears trailed down your cheeks, unable to compose yourself enough to say what you needed to say. 

Trying to keep it light for your sake, he bounced your joined hands against your thighs gently, “What? Are you pregnant or something?”

The way your breath caught in your throat and your entire body tensed up had his lighthearted smile faltering for a second. You tore your gaze from his and looked to your lap almost shamefully. Neither of you moved for a moment.

“You’re…not…are you?” Lando asked hesitantly. 

A fresh wave of tears came over you and you slumped against the front of the dresser on the floor, tearing your hands from his to hold your face in your palms as you cried. 

Lando breathed our name, his eyes as wide as saucers and his face as white as paper, “Don’t play with me right now. Are you serious?”

You nodded into your hands. 

“You’re pregnant?” he repeated, “For real? Like…confirmed?” 

You sniffled and pulled your phone from your pocket and he waited impatiently as you opened your photos app and then passed it over to him to see. The picture on the screen was of your bathroom counter with three positive pregnancy tests in a row in the centre. Lando blinked. He zoomed in. The three pairs of pink lines were clear as day. He blinked again. Was this real?

“Is this real?”

You nodded into your hands, almost scared to look at him. 

“I-” Lando stared at the picture for a second longer and then looked at you, “Are you…What are you going to do?”

You sniffled and dropped your hands to your lap between your bent knees, “I cannot have a kid right now.”

Lando's heart stopped at that statement. It was ultimately your decision but he did not want to lose his chance at having a little family with you. He waited for you to continue. 

“But I can’t get rid of it.” you mumbled. “I don’t want…I can’t do that.”

“That’s okay.” Lando breathed. 

He honestly felt dizzy - like the entire situation was a dream. Your voice sounded a little echoey and he pinched his thigh to bring himself back to his true reality, trying to focus on your obviously distraught expression. 

“I’m scared.” you admitted softly, your trembling voice barely audible. 

“Hey,” Lando scooted closer to you to sit at your side against the dresser and he wrapped his arm around your shoulders to pull you in towards him, pressing a kiss to your temple, “No reason to be scared. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

You nodded and leaned your head against his and his hand found yours, lacing your fingers together lovingly. His other hand still held your phone with the picture on the screen and he couldn’t stop staring at it in complete disbelief. 

“You are going somewhere. You’re going home.” you mumbled. 

Lando’s heart sank, “Yeah…” 

“I don’t even know what we are.” you whispered. “This whole time…I don’t know what we are. Are we just fuck buddies or…are we, like, something more…?”

Lando stared down at your intertwined hands, having so much information thrown at him in the span of a few moments that his mind was whirling. His momentary silence had you slightly panicked.

You spoke again as if to pitch your case, “Because I really have been feeling like both of us have wanted more but I didn’t want to step out of line or scare you or anything by asking…in case you didn’t feel the same…but part of me always thought that maybe you did and I was just being silly and-”

Lando raised his hand to press his finger against your jaw and turned your face towards his, capturing your lips with his to shut you up with a kiss. You instantly melted into him and your soft sigh as he finally pulled away from your few chasté kisses was almost enough to ease his own consciousness. 

“I’ve wanted all of you since the moment I knew your name.” he promised. “I want as much as you’re willing to give me…whatever you want to be. You hold the cards.” 

“I just want you.” you confessed, holding his hand in both of yours as you leaned into him adoringly, “I want to really be yours. For real.” 

Lando licked his lips as he stared at you, feeling as though he were treading in dangerous waters and pressing his luck, “So…do you want to be my girlfriend?”

You bit back your grin at his shy question, “Well you already got me pregnant so it would be a bit dumb of me to say no.” 

“Oh my God.” Lando breathed. His words were punctuated by your lips pressing against his again and you shared a few quick kisses. Reality seemed to settle around him and he tilted his head back to break your kiss, huffing out almost panicky to the ceiling, “You’re pregnant.”

“Yeah.” you mumbled. 

Lando pressed his finger against his chest, “You’re having my baby? Mine?”

“Yeah. I told you…there was no one else.” 

Lando’s eyes were as wide as saucers and he stared at you dumbly, unblinking, his index finger still pressed against his chest. 

You sighed, “I know this isn’t ideal…I’m so busy and you’re still in school getting your degree and we don’t even live in the same country. I get it if you just kinda wanna do your own thing. I don’t need money from you or anything.”

“Hey, no.” Lando grabbed your hands again, “Don’t even say that. I want to be a part of this with you. More than anything, okay? More than anything.” 

“You sure?” you pouted, “Because I really don’t want you to think that I’m trapping you in a life that you don’t want.”

“Life that I don’t want?” Lando gaped, “Holy shit, baby, I’ve dreamt about having a family with you since the second I hit that ‘follow’ button on Instagram, are you kidding?”

“Oh my God, really?” you laughed wetly at his confession, sniffling back your tears. 

“I promise. I’m not going anywhere.” he swore and shifted onto his knees to pull you into a hug again, “Not even if you forced me.”

Your arms wrapped easily around his shoulders and you dipped your face into his neck, letting him feel the warmth of your body with his on the hotel room floor. He could feel your heavy heartbeat through your chest and against his own and he gently caressed your hair and breathed you in, the smell of you that grew so familiar over the summer. The news was dream-like and he was still having a hard time wrapping his mind around it but holding you in his arms just made it feel so easy and so right. 

He had to say it. 

“I love you.” 

Your arms tightened around him and your fingers clutched the back of his shirt as you let out a small sob into his neck, “Oh God…I love you.” 

Lando shut his eyes tightly and choked back his own wave of tears, your voice saying that simple sentence to him meaning more to him than you would ever know. 

“That’s so scary.” you sniffed quietly after a moment.

He sat back slightly so he could look at you and he brushed your hair from your face, “What is?”

You shrugged, looking down at your lap where you were picking at your nails, “Love? I dunno…it sounds silly.” 

“It’s not silly.” Lando assured you easily, “It’s a lot to trust someone with. But I love you for trusting me.” 

You cracked a small smile and he tilted your chin up again so he could press a damp kiss to your lips through your shared emotions. 

“And even more because you’re having my baby.” he whispered, almost disbelieving, but he bit back his excited grin as he spoke the words he once only dreamt of. 

“Yeah.” you smiled sweetly and slid your hands into his. 

Sitting in front of each other on the hotel room floor, you shared a few single kisses through your slowing tears, perfectly innocent and soft that it flooded your hearts with warmth. Lando was over the moon and his hands stayed in yours so tenderly like he never wanted to let you go. 

Finally, you pulled away with a soft gasp and then a quiet groan of, “Fuck, I can’t drink wine anymore.”

Lando laughed lightly and he lifted his hands from yours to wipe your tears from your cheeks with his thumbs, “No, you can’t.”

You dramatically rested your forehead against his shoulder. 

He rubbed your back, “Only normal grape juice for the next little while now.”

Proper goodbyes were shared before leaving the hotel room together to linger on that last moment of privacy before the public eye would be on you again. Lando partially wished that you had told him sooner because having to leave within the same hour that you told him you were pregnant was almost unbearable. He had always loved you but now it only felt overwhelmingly more and he was having a hard time letting go. Lando promised to call you every night and text often and you promised to FaceTime him during the first doctor's visit which had him crying into your shoulder with how much he just didn't want to leave.

But he had to, and soon he had said an all too quiet goodbye at the airport to you and was sitting at his gate waiting for boarding. Life felt surreal as he sat there among strangers who didn’t know him, didn’t know his story, and didn’t know that you were going to make him a father. He was overwhelmed but he was bursting with glee. 

Before he was told to turn off his phone for the flight, he opened one last app to do one final thing. His group chat was quiet that afternoon but Lando was about to change that. 

landonorris: Hey guys georgerussell63: Lando!!! Hey! alex_albon: Hiii alex_albon: You back in Bristol yet?? landonorris: Waiting at my gate landonorris: Listen… alex_albon: Listening  georgerussell63: Oh no landonorris: I got some news today georgerussell63: Is everything okay?? landonorris: Yeah. It’s great landonorris: I have a girlfriend alex_albon: WHAT georgerussell63: AHHH Like for real??? alex_albon: ITS OFFICIAL???? georgerussell63: OMFGGGKTKJTNGJKT landonorris: Yeah!! As of today landonorris: I still can’t believe it landonorris: But that’s not all georgerussell63: The way I went from celebrating to scared again gave me whiplash alex_albon: Same wtf Lan what is it alex_albon: Just send us one of your classic long paragraphs with everything in it what with the suspense  georgerussell63: Lando TELL US landonorris: Well you know how she has been my dream girl for so long right? alex_albon: Duh georgerussell63: Yeesss landonorris: I’ve been basically living the dream because of that this whole summer landonorris: But I guess there was one thing missing that would really complete the ideal universe concept for me landonorris: And I didn’t really think about it too much because it didn’t feel attainable really landonorris: But I guess it wasn’t impossible… landonorris: Because it happened and she told me today... landonorris: We’re having a baby

Tag List: @black-fireproofs @k3nmakyan @m4rt10ne @strawberryy-kiwii @herebereblogs @arieslost @ophcelia @cmleitora @saachiep81 @piceous21 @poppyflower-22 @annie115 @lewlew44 @jexxy04 @gazelle-des-pres @norrisfr @younxii @chezmardybum @russelscherry @allsouls-emma

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[blissfullyecho]

how to create a leveling up/dream girl/rebranding plan 🤍🍸🖤

establish your aesthetic

first thing’s first, you need to know where you want to go in life and what is your “aesthetic”? do you want to be giving “classy, businesswoman”? what about “nyc socialite”? of course these are just examples, but you should know what type of girl you want to embody. remember, you don’t have to fit a narrative, but you should have a general “aesthetic” that you want to be associated with. even if it’s 50 million different aesthetics, it’s whatever makes you, you.

visualize yourself/life

get inspired by making a vision board (physical or digital) and add to your board (if digital) daily. i find that this helps you stay in alignment with where you want to be in the future. you have to stay in that frequency and remind yourself of what’s next to come… because this new life is what’s next to come.

start with habits

please refer to my “starting your leveling up journey” post, but basically— you should create 1-3 habits for each of your goals and work on them until they become second nature. then when you’re ready, start implementing more habits that are aligned with your goals.

create routines with your habits

can you incorporate some of these new habits into a morning or evening routine? we all know that routines are important— they almost become our personalities and they set the tone for the day and night, and even the next day. for me, i know i’m only inspired to exercise in the morning around 10am, so exercise is part of my morning routine.

create daily + weekly goals

let’s say part of your journey is learning a new language. a daily goal could be learning one new vocabulary word in that language. your weekly goal could be knowing the alphabet in that language. use this method for all of your goals.

don’t overwhelm yourself with goals, routines, and habits

start slow; don’t overwhelm yourself. if you want to work on one goal at a time, then work on that one goal. burnout is real and it’s very hard to get back into the swing of things afterwards. i understand most of us are impatient when we just want to be a different version of ourselves, but it’s going to take some adjusting. i suggest not working on more than 3 things at once, but if you can work on more, go ahead

be a part of a community to keep you accountable

tumblr and facebook groups in my opinion are the best ways you can connect with other women who are working on the same thing. you can inspire one another, bounce ideas off of one another, and it’s super fun. you might want to even document your journey online.

set milestones and have a reward system

let’s say you would like to lose or gain weight, no matter the number, focus on 5-10 pound increments. when each milestone is successfully completed, reward yourself with something nice. maybe it’s getting your nails done, or splurging on a product that everyone on tiktok keeps talking about. apply this to any of your goals where there are milestones to get to.

don’t waste the day

you should not have any “zero days” meaning… you should be doing at least one thing everyday to reach a goal(s) you have. it doesn’t matter if one goal was to maintain a more organized, clean environment— do your dishes, set the trash out, clean up the hair from the bathroom sink, etc.

[riansdiary]

My Manifesting Success Stories

Dearest Gentle Reader.

I am here with another inspired post! Now what am I talking about? I don't post everyday and force myself to create content because I find that when I do that, it's missing something. They tend to end up being mediocre (not like I can't write up something but I don't wanna force myself to post something when I don't feel like it or when I'm not inspired) so I wanted to only post when I'm inspired and excited to write something that will help someone like right this moment!

I like to write when I'm inspired and my posts all end up becoming the best when I do it that way.

I'm writing this up not only because it will help and inspire you all but I also wanted to record and keep track of my every or most of my success stories so I can remember how powerful I am! How amazing I am and how I'm a master at manifesting! Sometimes you just need to remind yourself what you've accomplished to feel proud and to end doubts. It's also great to keep records of it for my own amusement. I will make another post for my next ones.

Let's just get right through with it! These are all my real success stories but it is really a fact that whatever you want is meant for you. I hope this helps inspire everyone or at least have fun reading!

Note: All I did to manifest these are literally just affirming/deciding and commanding my subconscious like a boss or a queen. I have a new post that I wrote about that, check it out here. I also left the 3d alone and assigned good meanings to it. I persisted and stood firm in my decisions. I only affirmed/decided naturally, casually and in a boss/queen way for a few times. I really mean like about 4-5 times during the day or whenever I thought of it. The most I did was probably just 7 or 8 times. Again, You can read more about my favorite signature method here.

This is what I usually affirmed or said in my mind to manifest. I just decide and command my subconscious mind and my reality like a boss. Like it's my employee. My words are law.

Example: Food

"I'm deciding that Mom's gonna cook this dish. Subconscious mind, I command you to make that happen. Get me this food. I'm not changing my decision ever, It is already done. It's a fact."

I embodied Hong Haein from Queen of Tears and Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl when I affirmed or decided. Think how Hong Haein orders everyone in her department store. She's the boss and what she says, goes. Think how Blair Waldorf commands her minions. That's how you need to do it, stand firm on your decision and persist. Only do it if it resonates with you but this is what helped me to persist so I know this will be really helpful to everyone. I used to easily give up and wavering like a freaking ocean. I became a master at manifesting because of that mindset change. Your desires are meant for you. You already have it in the 4d as soon as you want it. It will materialize in the 3d but that is just a bonus or a cherry on top because it's already a fact even before it did.

1. My parents coming home with my desired food or snack. 🍟

I manifested tons of things this way. I manifested my favorite orange juice, McDonald's fries, a snack that I'm craving and more. I just affirmed a few times. Not even more than 10 times and persisted. Sometimes it's commanding my subconscious mind. The time when I started to learn about the law of assumption, I wavered and gave up too early but now it's very easy for me to do.

So there was a time when I was craving for a specific orange juice that is my favorite but my parents don't know which brand. They know that I like orange juice but not down to the brand. I was sitting on my bed and I was trying commanding my subconscious after reading a post about that here on Tumblr.

I said: "Subconscious mind, I command you to get me some Minute maid orange juice. It's my favorite orange juice. Thanks." That's all then when my dad came back, guess what he placed on the floor? A WHOLE ASS BOX OF MY FAVORITE ORANGE JUICE!!! I only commanded my subconscious and trusted it! I only did that once! This is still one of my favorite success stories.

2. No soda diet no more! 🥤

Okay so my mom wanted us to stop drinking coke and instead drink water. I get it, water is good for you. I do like water but I miss the fizz and flavor of coke. It's refreshing! I also have a placebo for that. Drinking coke will make me and my loved ones perfectly healthy. I know it doesn't make sense but that's a placebo! Most of them don't make sense or sound crazy but it is what you think it is. If you think it works then it works.

I only affirmed whenever I thought of it. Again, not even that much.

"No, mom will start buying coke again and that never happened. We're gonna be able to drink it again."

I kind of compromised and decided on Sprite because I like it as well and it's kind of healthier than coke so I affirmed:

"Mom is gonna come home with a big bottle of Sprite. It's done."

Then low and behold, Mom comes back from the store and guess what she came home with? YES! A bottle of Sprite! This is definitely a success story because we were gonna stop drinking coke. If Mom wanted some coke, even just a small bottle, she can get it. And yet she came home with Sprite instead just like how I wanted.

3. Manifesting my Kpop Idol boyfriend 💕

Now this is a big manifestation! This is actually an SP one. Yes, he is a popular idol but for our privacy, I shall keep it strictly vague.

This is what I mean that you literally can manifest anything you want in the world. Anything you want. Whether that's a fictional character, a superpower, an ability from anime (I'll tell you about it in a sec), shifting, a unicorn and whatever floats your boat! You can do it! If you want it, it is meant for you and you already have it in the 4d. Your subconscious mind knows what you want and instantly manifests that in the 4d then the 3d naturally.

I wanted Mukoda from Campfire Cooking in Another World with Absurd Skill's online grocery ability. Instead of just grocery though, it has everything that's available out there in the market. It's all free for me and my fingerprint is enough payment. Why? Because my existence alone is a valid reason to get everything I want. Everything we want is meant for us anyway. I wanted it to have an appearance change section, a profile section where I could change everything about me and my loved ones (mostly for full health purposes) and it has a section for food, drinks, snacks, desserts, skincare, makeup, hair stuff and the list goes on. I also wanted a feature where I could change the country. I could buy anything from anywhere! Imagine getting fresh macarons or clothes from Paris instantly! You could say this is in the process but for me I already have it in the 4d and it's already done.

I saw him for the first time on a video and it was love at first sight. He felt so familiar and like I already know him so well even though I've only seen him a few times. When I look at him, he makes me feel so calm, comfortable and at home. I feel so connected to him. It always feels like our hearts are magnets. I just feel so drawn to him. That's how I felt when I was seeing and watching him in the past. Literally when I first got into his group, that's what I said about him. I then find out years later than he's my soulmate. Tadah! 😱🎉❤️ I could have manifested that too or not. Now, I see his name everywhere, so many similarities and we tend to mirror each other a lot. I see his promotional poster ads with his group a lot at our local malls for a brand they are working with. We are both open to sharing our feelings to each other and we have literally cried/got emotional just because we had eye contact. We love each other so much that things like that happen almost daily. I get song messages from his higher self as soon as I wake up. This does not happen everyday though. It's usually songs that I don't listen to much and songs that are not ones that I always sing in my head. I get them as soon as I wake up or go to the bathroom. Just felt like giving you guys some basic information.

I followed Hyler's advice from one of her older videos and just assumed that he's my boyfriend and it's already done. Whenever I watched his videos, I assumed he was my boyfriend and thought like I'm his girlfriend. I aligned my thoughts to being his girlfriend. Fast forward to now, we are happily dating. He's always doing things on a live or a music show for me. It's our secret signals. It's basically gestures that means he knows I'm watching. He does whatever gestures he knows I like. A specific heart pose, a specific gesture about us or pointing at the camera (not the normal one. He's doing it with intention. He has a specific facial expression when he does it. It's like he's saying "This is for you. I know you're watching, love"

It's either something I asked him to do or we both decided on it. It's always obvious when he does it. All I did was change my thoughts to align with the reality I wanted to be in and it's done! He has written lyrics about me as well. He's always in my dreams especially when it's a scary one. He appears at the end of it as if he's making me forget about that and making me remember just him. He's constantly in my dreams though, again usually by the end of it so I tend to remember him more than other things because of that! His members know about me and always just hand him the phone or Ipad, whatever they were using to read comments, whenever they first see my comments and it's just the cutest thing ever. He sometimes slips up when it comes to saying goodbye. They were doing a special holiday live once. When they were saying goodbye and ending the live, instead of greeting the fans with the exact greeting for that holiday, he ended up saying "I love you". It's a different way of saying that but I wanna keep it vague for my privacy. It's the way we usually say I love you to each other so it's special. He also posts pictures with the exact emoji that sounds exactly like my name. The emoji is how you pronounce it but it's spelled a different way. Like 🍒 or 🍎 or 🌹. There are people in the world who are named Cherry, Apple or Rose.

Anyway, I love him so I ended up going on a tangent! You can manifest anyone you want to be your boyfriend whether they're fictional, look like a character you like or a boyfriend who's the carbon copy of an idol you like or your favorite member. Mine is the real one so now you know, you're powerful as f*ck and can get whatever you want. Your desires are meant to be yours and I hope that this is a good example or a proof of that. This is me re-reading to check for spelling mistakes: 😭🥰🤭

4. Manifesting being featured in Subliminal Amino ⭐

I posted my new manifesting success stories here and also on Amino. Now, not everyone can get featured. You only get featured when your blog is approved and if it's good and helpful.

All I did was my signature techniques but it's really as simple as this: "Oh My God! I got featured! Thank you!"

That's it. That was my affirmation and I only did it once or twice. I decided that it's final that I got featured. I said it like a boss. I'm getting featured because I said so. It's already done.

Did I check the 3d and dig up the seeds I planted? No! I didn't care about it, I didn't check because again, I decided I have it so I do. I looked at people liking my post but that was all. I played some games, cleaned the pee of one of our puppies on the floor and just did fun stuff on my phone. I went back to Amino to see the notifs I got. One notification says "featured!" And it was from an admin! They also replied to me and told me that I am really the star of my reality. I literally did other things for a few minutes then I got featured!

5. I manifested not getting any side effects from the vaccine and the jab being quick and painless 💉

I came with my mom to get the vaccine. I was kind of fidgety and nervous, and would rather be at home at that moment. I used to be scared of injections but I manifested some courage for myself and it being done fast and painless. I felt like a superhero or a powerful person when any of the injections I had were done. I was smiling proudly at my family. This was not the vaccine I'm talking about, it's when I got sick. It was really cold at that time and I got pneumonia.

I manifested four things in one go. Me not getting any side effects I heard that people were having. The vaccine is done fast and painless, the long ass line going faster and faster. Closer and closer to where we receive the vaccine. Lastly, my mom is allowed to accompany me. I was scared so I needed some support from Mom. These are what I affirmed naturally as we were in the line:

"The line is going faster! It will be finished in a jiffy (My favorite Nancy Drew movie word 😇)!

"It's gonna be painless and I will absolutely not have any side effects!"

I also did a thing where I walked like a model and assumed that I have my ideal face, ideal hair and ideal body! I kinda visualized it a little bit! We had to do two doses like everyone and both were done fast and were completely painless for me. I compared it to an ant bite. Just a slight pinch.

6. I manifested to look like Tzuyu from Twice

The only thing I did to manifest this was to listen to subliminals and started thinking that I look like her. People in Amino have always said that I look like Tzuyu (after using the subs) and here's some proof of that.

7. A Unicorn 🦄

I'm not talking about a real unicorn though that would have been such a great manifestation success story! This happened recently. I wanted to prove to myself that I'm powerful more and more everyday so I asked my subconscious to show me a unicorn. It could be the word or a picture of it. I was manifesting to see cute things to empower myself and to make them pile up to give me more assurance about my manifesting skills.

I was watching new TikToks about the new Despicable Me movie and I heard Gru say "that's not actually a true unicorn" and I knew that was my manifestation. I literally just got Despicable Me stuff on my FYP, looked more into it because I love those movies and it led me to see that exact TikTok.

8. Saw a pink butterfly 🦋

These are just manifestations to prove to myself that I'm a master at manifesting. I told my subconscious to show me a pink butterfly. It didn't show me a real one but I didn't specify that it needs to be a real one. I went general for it. I've seen this three times. One when I was reading Subliminal Amino posts, two while I'm on Pinterest and lastly at home. My mom suddenly has these cute decorative shiny shimmering butterflies and one of them was pink. I've seen them before while Mom was digging up some moving boxes and storage we have from the old house. This time though, it's just the pink butterfly on our coffee table! I was looking for my other phone and I saw that!

9. Having a ribbon to tie my hair with. This is a very special one!

I loved watching A Series of Unfortunate Events on Netflix. I really liked Violet as a character and she does this specific thing to get her brain gears working. She ties her hair with a ribbon or cloth or whatever is available to her and whenever she does that, she ends up thinking of a plan. Here, let me show you what I mean:

I wanted to have one like that so I can use it as a placebo to make me smarter than I already am. I'm already intelligent but I found that doing that hair ribbon trick, can help me solve problems and to brainstorm great ideas. So I commanded my subconscious mind. I was starting to learn this method thanks to @nonbinarydeity for her simplifying manifesting post!

I told my subconscious: "Subconscious mind, I command you to get me a ribbon for my hair so I can use it like Violet. I want it to be pink."

I said that once or twice then proceeded to fully trust that my subconscious mind is manifesting/getting that done for me.

I was searching through the stuff on my shelves and storage areas where I have my stuff from the old house. I looked through them and saw this small blue magnetic box container thing. I thought that it had my cartomancy playing cards. We had a couple of those because it's free stuff from a company that a relative was working with. It's the box I'm talking about. I opened it and to my surprise, I saw that it was full of ribbons and hair clips! Not only that, there was a specific soft pink one that I used to do that I was talking about which was Violet Baudelaire's hair tie trick. I used that ribbon like years ago and so I forgot about it. I had these storage boxes at the old house but they are hard to open because there is stuff on top of it. There's no way for me to pull it out. I decided to open it as much as I can and get some of my old stuff. I got my books, old jewelry, an assortment of things then I grabbed that blue magnetic box thinking it contained my cards but actually my cards are in another container close to my bed.

My subconscious mind did not only get me what I wanted but it got me my pink favorite old ribbon that I got specifically to do the thing that Violet does in the show. It's the one I specifically had for that purpose years ago.

This is definitely one of my favorite success stories!!!

10. Made my straight hair go curly and a bit wavy

My hair used to be straight as heck and I was happy with it but I wanted to make just a slight change. I want my ends to be wavy or curly. You see, I was jealous of my younger sister's hair. She had curly ends and it's so pretty! That's what I wanted to have. I want to keep the top to mid part of my hair straight and the ends more wavy. So I used a subliminal from glow soul, her hair sub and all I did was listen once while looking at pictures of my desired hair. I was already seeing the ends of my hair starting to curl and become a bit wavy. It was more solidified to me that it was actually working when my mom and my sister kept noticing how the ends of my hair were becoming more wavy and curly. There was this one time when we were at a mall, I was walking in front of my mom and my sister. My sister told our mom that the ends of my hair are curling and getting wavier. I didn't do anything to my hair at all! I just combed it before going and that was it! This really makes me happy and I still have those results! Let me show you my hair before and the photo I looked at while listening.

This is the photo I looked at while listening to the sub:

11. Being spoiled by everyone 🛍️

I used another subliminal for this and it is laveria's very popular "get gifts n get spoiled" subliminal! When I started listening to this, my mom kept buying me things from online that I really liked. This was in the past when we had a tight budget but we suddenly got richer and got a new car after I listened to a rich subliminal! Mom was then able to buy me stuff or ask me what I want in the shop she's shopping at online because of those two subs! My dad also gave me extra allowance money to buy whatever I wanted! My brother bought us snacks that I wanted for so long (they don't know) like cakes and macarons! This is the most recent one! My sweet little sister bought me tons of books whenever she shops at amazing book fairs with her girlfriend. She literally got me books in genres that I love like detective, mystery, fantasy and more! She didn't do that much before unless it was my birthday. She even gave me As Old As Time as a one month early birthday gift! I recommend that book so much! I finished it so fast! I also got a lot of money from relatives.

12. Found my ear hook that I lost 👂

Okay so the wired earphone that I was using during that time always fell out of my ears so my mom got me ear hooks. It's a silicon accessory that has a hook that you can hang on your ear so earphones won't fall out. They look like this:

I basically lost one of them when I woke up and I literally searched every nook and cranny. I commanded my subconscious mind to find it for me and I affirmed "found it!" three times after that. I just trusted that my subconscious mind will get that for me and relaxed. Even if days would come and it hasn't shown up, I never gave up. I continued my day knowing the subconscious will help me find it. One day, my mom was organizing stuff around my bedroom and that's when she gave me my missing ear hook! I have searched everywhere and Mom found it at the area that I have searched multiple times so I knew this was a success story. I shifted to the reality where I found that ear hook.

12. Being better in Among Us

Among Us is one of my favorite games ever, in fact I miss it now. I had to delete it to get more space. As I said, I am really intelligent already but I tend to be nervous and sometimes slip up as the impostor. I'm good at catching impostors but I get nervous and scared when I'm the impostor.

I started listening to an Among us sub and it's about being really good as an impostor. I became a genius at being an impostor. I never got caught ever after that! I have saved some compliments from friends and random people to savor my success story and make me feel amazing! I'll show you in a sec! Me scouring through my messy gallery right now: 🧐

I've been complimented and called a genius so many times but I can only provide one photo since Tumblr only allows 10 photos per post.

And that is all I can recall from the top of my head. Thank you for reading!

XOXO Rian 💋

Or maybe yours truly, Lady Whistledown 😆

I'm kidding! I'm just enjoying Bridgerton recently! Remember, you already have what you want and it's already done! 🎉

[captnsundy]

lis de: a rant

i've never been a person to publicly rant about games like this, but considering how life is strange is one of my favorite franchises ever, and how it's being absolutely SHIT on by the current devs and publisher..

we need to talk.

i was there during the OG days of the original game's release. granted, i was only 14 and a dumb teenager, but i definitely used tumblr when people called this game "life is tumblr".

i remember the theories. i remember the lets plays. i remember the excruciating wait between episodes. the fanart. the fanfics. i remember the extreme disappointment with the endings, but also how people came to.. accept them. to some degree.

that won't happen this time.

d9 and square enix fumbled this franchise so hard by putting out this new "so-called" sequel to the first game. the blatant disrespect for the characters created by dontnod, who seemed to put actual love into their characters, is just fucking insane.

i'm not a huge shipper in general, but even *i* know, as someone who was there during the original release, how much a profound impact pricefield have had on people. hell, it even helped 14 year old me, who struggled with massive internal homophobia, already at that point start to question my sexuality.

pricefield helped me become comfortable with who i am.

to reduce their relationship to something as.. people moving on because its realistic??? it's a fucking supernatural game. there's nothing realistic about it. there's already such a HUGE lack of *happy* sapphic relationships, and pricefield was one of those that deserved a happier outcome. you're essentially punishing those who picked bae, but also bay-ers by staining chloe's memory. making her seem like nothing more than an bitch in both endings.

we waited 10 years for this bullshit?

it's so fucking obvious that these corpo assholes hate chloe and everything she stands for, and that we should forget about her. ironic really, considering they made a whole ass game about her in BTS. what even *happened*?

"move on". hell, it's literally *written* in the game. they're trying to essentially reboot max so they can keep pushing new games with her.

if pricefield is truly dead, with 0 chance of coming back because they wants us to "move on" - i hope life is strange is over. i hope whatever plan they have for another shallow entry in the series crashes and burns. the fans deserve better, and so does the d9 devs that might've pushed against this happening in the first place.

whatever the full release may be (which, going by devs statements and leaks won't be any better), know this:

this game doesn't have to be canon.

you can ignore it.

fuck deck nine. fuck square enix.

[streamdotpng]

Art Commissions!

Note: Prices can change and vary depending on what is being commissioned! I'm generally flexible when it comes to prices and budget.

+10-15 usd per person

+5-10 usd depending on the background

Note: There can be additional charges due to paypal fees

If more examples are needed, you can go through my art tag or ask for more in DM's!

Can Draw!

Fanart

oc’s/humanoids

pngtuber models

character sheets

horror, gore (not excessive)

Chibi

NSfW

Might Draw (We’ll need to talk about these requests)

full on furries (not so experienced)

excessive gore/horror (same excuse as above)

comics

honestly, if it isn’t in the Can Draw, let’s talk about it.

Will not:

hate art

anything political

if it crosses my boundaries

Terms and Service! (this is a long one)

The client may ask for progress updates every 2-4 days, if not longer, should the commissionee not be in contact.

The art may take longer than the estimated time the artist gives. Should that be an issue or concern, the client must tell the artist.

In commissioning the artist, the client acknowledges that the artist is a student and that this is not the artist’s full time job, and the client should not expect the artist to be able to treat it as such.

IMAGE RIGHTS

The client may not, in any way shape or form, use the art in a commission product for NFTs, no matter how much they offer to pay the artist. Should NFTs be made of the art without consent, the client gives full consent for the artist to take legal action against them.

The client may make minor edits to the completed commission (e.g. cropping, adding text/borders, changing brightness/contrast/hue/saturation…

The client may use/reupload the commission for personal/non-commercial use, but only if proper credit to the artist and a linkback to any of the artist’s social media is provided.

If the commission includes characters that do not belong the client, additional credit to the owner(s)/creator(s) of said characters must be provided when using/reuploading for personal/non-commercial use.

The client may not use the commission for any commercial use unless discussed with the artist beforehand.

^ Should the client use the art for commercial use, provided the artist’s consent, the artist will receive an agreed-upon percentage of the sales profits.

The client MUST credit the artist for any usage of the art on any platform.

The client MUST ask the artist if they want to use their art as a reference, and proceed to credit each time the reference is used. REVISION POLICIES Once the coloring stage begins, the only major revisions permitted are details that the artist may have missed and was specified by the client in the order while the commission was still in the sketching/lineart stage (e.g. a missing tattoo that’s essential to the character’s design).

If the client is unsatisfied with the commission, the artist is willing to discuss and make minor edits as stated prior (e.g. adjusting colors). However, the artist will not redraw the piece and expects full payment, as the client should have specified in the sketch stage changes they wanted to be made.

The client may not hire another artist to adjust the image without the commissionee’s consent.

The artist is willing to edit the image post commission for the commissioner, but may charge a small fee depending on what is being asked of them. Upon commissioning the artist, the client automatically agrees to the terms of service provided, as it is assumed they have read them.

-

…and that’s about it? Just don’t expect me to be obligated to draw something and we'll figure something out. Not to mention that depending on how much commissions i’m getting and how busy i am, the art will take atleast a few days to a week!

If you got references, provide them! It’ll help alot. You can also ask for progress updates, just don’t mind me accidentally not seeing the message bc this is tumblr and I don’t get notifs for some reason.

as of rn, im accepting payment through ko-fi and paypal

But ye! That’s about it, thanks for seeing this yall. If you want to see more examples, simply look at the tags below in my account!

[eringurumi]

Ancient Hearthian (Outer Wilds) Pattern

I got so many requests for the ancient Hearthian from Outer Wilds, and they really are so much simpler than the Nomai - but also, my notes and pics are a bit less detailed, and I've been so bad at even getting on my computer lately - so lemme try and cobble this together so anyone interested at least has something to work with!

Technical stuff: 3mm crochet hook, 9mm safety eyes, Red Heart Super Saver yarn in Jade, probably... but any nice shade would do!

Body:

They start as one long piece that kinda looks like a tadpole! A lot of the shaping is just by gentle smooshing it, but there are a few rows where you increase or decrease unevenly to contribute to it... I'm not even sure how much it really makes a difference tho!

6 sc in a magic circle

inc 6x to make 12 stitches

(3 inc, 3 sc) 2x to make 18 stiches (and a slightly elongated oval rather than circular cross section when looking face on)

(2 sc, inc) 6x to make 24 stitches

9 rows of 24

Add eyes and begin to stuff

Across the "top" of the body (wherever you choose that to be) do (1 sc, 1 dec) 3x, then 15 more sc to make a row of 21 stitches

Again across the "top" of the body do (1 sc, 1 dec) 3x, then 12 more sc to make a row of 18 stitches

From here, it's slow decreases (still at the top) and stuffing as you go:

(1 sc, 1 dec) 2x then sc around to make a row of 16

1 dec then sc around to make a row of 15

1 dec then sc around to make a row of 14

1 dec then sc around to make a row of 13

1 dec then sc around to make a row of 12

2 dec then sc around to make a row of 10

1 dec then sc around to make a row of 9

1 row of 9

1 dec then sc around to make a row of 8

3 rows of 8

2 dec then around to make a row of 6, fasten off and hide tail

Feet and Legs:

It looks like I really winged it a bit here, so let me try and figure out approximately what I did - the main idea is I think I made a very small tube for the feet, then pulled the tails through to the center, chained into a random stitch, and and did a few chains up and down to give it a short leg, then used those tails as well to sew them on to the body... I'm afraid I can hardly tell what I did for those legs, even looking at it in person, like it might just be a few knots... I am hoping that for here it isn't too much trouble for you to improvise something that works well for you!:

4 sc in a magic circle

3 rows of 4, then close off and pull the tails through the small cylinder, out the center

chain into a random stitch, then into an adjacent stitch,

sc "around" these two for 2-3 rows, to make a short leg

use the rest of the tail to sew onto the body.

Very messy, possibly blurry.... but hopefully this at least gives a bit more inspiration.

Ok, again, I apologize, it's not my best pattern, but I hope it will give people a starting point! Don't hesitate to ask questions if you need them, although as I mentioned, I'm not on tumblr much now a days. Don't forget to check out my Nomai pattern here! And as always, give me a tag here or @ erin.gurumi on instagram if you make one! I love to see them!

[crystallizedtwilight]

I really like how you draw what you love in the moment. I am making a shift in my drawing interests as well, but I'm starting to feel guilty. My friends and followers know me as the (insert fandom) artist. Deep down I know what I am feeling is silly. Draw what you love! Who cares! I know that is the truth. So my question to you is, what do you do when those thoughts come to your head (if it does)?

What a thoughtful question! Below the cut:

Thank you! I've been on tumblr for 10 years and I have come to accept that I will always receive certain messages when I begin drawing a new interest:

"Guess you don't draw X anymore" / "Why did you stop drawing X?" / "Are you ever going to draw X again?" / "I want more X" / "When can we expect more X?" / "We're never going to see X again, are we?"

Though I've emphasized many times that this is my blog for all of my art and all my fandoms, every time I switch interests I am swamped with messages like this 3-4 months afterwards. It's an inevitability, because new folks may have missed that this is a "my current interest" blog, and old folks may not like the new content you're interested in.

At first it really bothered me, because I'd draw like 150 pieces of art for a fandom for 6 months straight, need a break, and the next day people will be like "guess you don't care anymore" like all the art I did wasn't enough.

The reality is: I like the idea of managing one blog for all of my artwork. I like how low-stress it is to have one, singular place I can still use a playground for my interests. I think it's a concept some people have forgotten is an option. Dare we call it a portfolio.

I am aware that the more "modern" way to conduct things, if you want to build an audience, is to have several blogs, each dedicated to one of your interests. But the very thought of managing 100 blogs every time I got a new interest makes my skin crawl and I know it would instantly suck the fun out of it for me.

I don't want to do that. I don't want to "build an audience", I just want to have a fun space for me. There are already so many social media sites out there besides tumblr, and if you're an artist that uploads to more than one, multiplying those by each of your fandoms? Sounds like more work than I want to do.

I can't remember the name of the artist, but I recall a few years ago one of the artists for the show Korra was bombarded with these sorts of messages when they started posting art that wasn't Avatar-related. And they said something to the effect of "I gave 2 years of my life to this show. Let me explore something new." And I'll never forget that. I feel the same way.

The theme of this blog is "my art". That's it. My interests change, sometimes circle back, and change again. And that's ok—that's how artists keep art fun for themselves. Every artist deserves a playground where they can share and connect with other people who are also just as excited about their newest thing. That's the joy of it.

Keeping yourself in a box just because that's what people want or expect you to do is the death of creativity. I am at peace with people unfollowing if our interests don't align anymore. This was never a blog for catering to anyone but myself, and that is ok.

So those messages don't bother me anymore. I know they're coming. I know they will always be there. And, every time, I will find new folks who do want to share in my new interest. I think in many ways I like starting over again. It feels refreshing.

But more than that, I know the importance of keep a space for myself online where I can be as creative and fun and silly as I like, chasing after the latest thing that is making me smile.

[nadas-dirthalen]

A Veilguard Achievement Icon Opened My Eyes on 15 Years of Lore... but Was I Right?

PART TWO: What Veilguard Did Narratively, and What That Tells Us Going Forward

[ 1 ]

Hello again, friends and travellers. Now that I've beaten Dragon Age: the Veilguard, I wanted to go through all those 30,000 words of predictions that I wrote in the ~11 days leading up to its release. I'd seen an achievement icon that pieced together a lot of Dragon Age lore for me.

But, I hadn't played Veilguard. All I had was the footage from September 19, the achievement list, and anything else BioWare had released.

So... was I right? And if so, how much was I right about?

This is your warning:This post will contain spoilers for the entirety of Dragon Age: the Veilguard, and all Dragon Age content made before Veilguard.

(my davrinmance is going great as i try and collect every codex, thanks for asking!)

Today's Discussion: to Understand Dragon Age, We Must Understand Its Writing.

Before I can go any further on why I think the way that I think, or why I imagine the story might take us in certain directions, it's essential that you all understand where I'm coming from. Veilguard, like any game, is a piece of art. Its bones are built with similar narrative structures to novels (though not identical, and that's important!). To make sense of what's to come, we must examine Veilguard's bones the same way.

I've seen a lot of people wondering why, for instance, the Inquisitor is not Veilguard's protagonist. I've seen people lamenting the fact that there were not on-screen clarifications of popular lore theories. Before this series goes any further, I need to say my piece about why I believe that it was essential that Veilguard was written as it was, and why its writing does in fact help us better predict Dragon Age's path forward moreso than even Inquisition.

That said, today I hope to cover:

What Veilguard Demanded of BioWare's Writing Team, and Why

The Protagonist: Why Rook's Perspective Matters

The 3 Act Structure: Our Lens

The Companions: Paths to Our Answers — and Future Games

What Veilguard Demanded of BioWare's Writing Team, and Why

Let's get this out of the way right away: it has been 10 years since Inquisition. And, like it or not, that means one gigantic thing for BioWare: if they wanted to have any hope of making more Dragon Age, they needed to bring in new players and resuscitate the interest of many old players who did not stay in the fandom the whole time. They didn't—and couldn't—write Veilguard specifically for you or I, people of Tumblr. If they did, it would've pleased us... and then cost them so much money that we'd never get any more Dragon Age.

That doesn't just mean modernizing the game's aesthetics, or providing a glossary in its Codex. It means they would have to balance all of the following (just at a glance):

Managing the learning curve in general. Not even I looked in the glossary as I played. Me, supreme enjoyer of all codices ever. It's just not something most players are ever going to do, as much as it the lore is such a fundamental part of the game in general. That means simplifying terms where possible — elven gods in place of Evanuris, for example — but also trimming down what would have to necessarily reference past games. Only a tiny fraction of the fanbase has played Inquisition in the last 3 years, nevermind this year.

Recontextualizing the lore. That does not mean rebooting it, it means situating all we have learned so far in a framework that fits all we have learned so far. Much of what we learned about the Evanuris seemed, for so long, to be totally separate for the things we knew about the blight and Blights. Veilguard needed to show us how those things relate, and to do so in a fresh context that would allow everyone to develop new understanding.

Pushing us one step past Inquisition's knowledge. Veilguard, after reframing the lore, had to leave us a path for new lore, and increased understanding. I think the devs put it really well when they say that their aim is to give us some answers, but leave us with even more questions. More on that later, and in future posts.

Updating Thedas' ethos. Let's face it. It has been 15 years since Origins came out. The things that were more typical of scifi/fantasy (SFF) then are just not the same now, and would not be perceived by 2024 players in the same way as by those who started Origins in 2009. The world has changed; our cultural understandings are broadening and need to continue broadening. BioWare is doing a good thing by incorporating things like nonbinary identities into Veilguard, and it is good that Veilguard is progressing the world of gaming in that way, especially considering its success. (This is also, I wager, why we choose an Archon out of two choices who want the same thing, rather than leaving that open to a more "evil" option).

Dislodge older fans from their Solas headcanons to get everyone old and new to the same confusion and potential distrust. Hear me out. Everyone who's stayed since Inquisition has beliefs about Solas. Even me, who got here in March of this year, whose fic reads overly soft now because I just didn't know Solas' grander plan until 48 hours before Veilguard came out. Everyone has had headcanons for so long that everyone has had time for their opinions of Solas to cement themselves. In order for Veilguard to work as a story, they had to debunk what everyone thought they knew: both lovers and haters of the famously controversial egg. By breaking down our existing beliefs, the devs open up essential curiosity from the players as to who—and what—Solas really is, which propels us through the narrative and has us absorbing information.

And this curiosity? It is why Veilguard could not have the Inquisitor as its protagonist. To keep us curious as players (and "readers" of the lore), BioWare needed a new protagonist.

Specifically, they needed Rook.

The Protagonist: Why Rook's Perspective Matters

Here's the thing. The protagonist is not just the face of the game. They are our vehicle to understanding that game. The plot follows their wants and responds to their understanding. What they don't know, what they want to know, is what makes up our every objective. Their emotional journey through the game is our emotional journey through the game. Following it, going after the things that matter to our protagonist, is how the entire game (including its lore) takes shape in our minds.

That's why it's essential that they don't know everything—especially after a ten year interim between games.

Veilguard's plot and twists proved that the Inquisitor did not know everything. They, in fact, knew less than half of everything. If we had kept them as the protagonist, all of our knowledge and curiosity would be shaped by the Inquisitor's understanding: a wrong understanding. We could constantly be fighting with what we think the Inquisitor should know, what should be true because we had seen it through the Inquisitor. We would be set up to be at odds with the very events of the game. Rook is a blank slate, barring a few key tonal indicators, and that blank slate allows for us to fit all previous lore into its new, recontextualized shape that I mentioned above. (Again, note that I am not saying rebooted.)

That, and Rook has multiple motivations. The Inquisitor is focused largely on stopping or saving Solas; Rook is charged with figuring everything out as it is happening to them in real time with almost no context or experience, AND stopping or saving Solas. The Inquisitor has existing allies and resources; Rook does not. Rook must build their own campaign from the ground up, and that means the player is building their own experience from the ground up. Their allies, abilities, and home base, yes, but also their knowledge. Discovering things at the same pace as Rook, with a similarly urgent drive to do so, keeps the game from infodumping at us. It keeps the reveals evenly spaced, but also immediately interesting to the player.

And best of all? Rook allows the writers to do what they want to Solas without breaking his dynamic with the endless sea of Inquisitors (or, at least, with way less risk of doing so). We needed to have our theories about him broken down and rebuilt as players; to do that to the Inquisitor would damage an entire sea of headcanons. We'd never get the Solavellan ending we wanted, for instance, if Solas had played mind games with Lavellan for that many months. And if Solas didn't do those things, if he'd been wholly defanged, he would have lost his appeal and importance in the narrative. He wouldn't be the Dread Wolf in the ways that matter to Veilguard.

It's important, then, that Rook has just the slightest bit of backstory. They care about their allies. They are not a potential political force like the Inquisitor. They have many options to be impulsive. Every single Rook has rebelled against authority. Every single one has a stubborn streak. BioWare put all those qualities there on purpose, because Solas uses every single one, in every single Rook, as a tool. That was all essential for his character development in this game! At the same time, they couldn't do that with the Inquisitor as protagonist, because after 10 years, no two Inquisitors are similar enough to predict/script their actions and responses in that way.

Those twists are perhaps the most important tool for forward momentum in the game. The more they keep us guessing, the more we'll play and seek new information, the more we'll learn. Which brings me to...

The 3 Act Structure: Our Lens

Like I said: BioWare couldn't just infodump at us in Veilguard. It wouldn't be interesting to even half the fans that stayed, these ten years. To keep us engaged as players, they had to string the lore through a series of engaging events. Keep the momentum up, so we would not be lazily looking over codices, but chasing new knowledge and understanding. It all had to be emotionally relevant and resonant to keep us caring, because very few people play games they don't care about.

Veilguard, like a lot of written art, follows the three act structure. Though there are a lot of variants on the more precise beats, they all broadly follow the same-ish path.

Hook: The opening image. In Disney movies, this is the song where the character sings about all the things they want in their journey, and what they truly need is only implied. It gives an opening note for the theme by showing what the character lacks, and what they might need to gain before defeating the final villain. In Veilguard, this is our prologue, centered entirely around Varric: the big red herring where we see that Rook is out of their depth, opting to push over a support beam rather than take on the Dread Wolf. Off-screen, it is also the background information about Rook, showing us who they are and what they want before we play.

Inciting Incident: The event that kicks off the main plot. In DA:tV, there's a big collection of these (because every companion needs one; we'll get to that). The first big one is, of course, the failed ritual. The death Rook doesn't see. The Evanuris are freed, but Rook has only half the information.

First Plot Point: "Plot Point" means "big/defining decision" in writer-speak. This is the moment the protagonist decides to go forth on their adventure. In video games, this is more or less determined for you, but you have the option to flavour this moment in Veilguard. You can choose how to tell Solas that you'll do what he wants: either by appeasing him or angering him. You do the same for Neve and Harding afterward, and then again in Arlathan and D'Meta's Crossing. You state that you're doing this, no matter what it takes.

First Pinch Point / "The Setback": "Pinch" means "twist" in writer-speak. It's the first time the narrative is shaken up, and is also usually the first time we see the true scope of the villain. In Veilguard, the first big twist has been called "the Setback" by some of the devs (notably, I heard it at a panel in September). For Veilguard, this is Weisshaupt. We see the true scope of Ghilan'nain's horrors, but we also see the first BIG hints (outside of Varric) that Solas is manipulating us—because he really doesn't seem to hate the Wardens as much as Inquisition enjoyers like myself expected. This event concludes act 1.

"New World" / "Fun and Games": The devs have remarked that they wanted to see the tone of their setback (Weisshaupt) threaded through the rest of the game, and we do: through Davrin and Lucanis' banter, through the reflections on the consequences of Weisshaupt, through every character struggling with their confidence and identity after that point, through the blight getting worse and worse and worse. That's what the New World is: the characters getting used to new circumstances after that first big twist. The Fun and Games are the slow and steady recovery from the twist, warming and solidifying formerly tenuous relationships. This is where we do a lot of companion and faction quests.

Midpoint: In a narrative that ends in a victory (so most games ever), the midpoint is a false victory. We think we've nailed something, only for something else to happen that begins to seed doubt in the protagonist's capability and/or ability to solve the plot. For Veilguard, this is the blighted dragon fight: we think we've got Ghilan'nain, but then Elgar'nan shows up and demonstrates that Rook is in so, so over their head.

Second Pinch Point: The second twist. The villain's identity is crystal-clear, and by now we've definitely interacted with the villain more directly. This is Arlathan, Elgar'nan's mind-trap—and Solas' "rescue" of Rook, showing his duplicity in full. Elgar'nan notably says a line about not falling for Fen'Harel's tricks again, and it foreshadows what we will see of Solas.

Disaster / Crisis: This is the event that triggers the protagonist's downward spiral. Not a twist (necessarily), but a catastrophe. In Veilguard's case, it's both: the Ghilan'nain fight leaves one companion dead-dead and another presumed dead. Then, the twist: Solas using Rook's sharply felt regret to pull his gambit and swap places with them. A series of events that literally had me gasping so frequently I got dizzy. Thanks, BioWare :) Many people say that this event, or something between this event and the "All is Lost" beat, conclude act 2. For games, the pacing is sometimes different, as is the cutoff mark, because otherwise the third act has the potential to be very short.

"All is Lost" / The Dark Night of the Soul: It's exactly as the name suggests: all has been lost. The protagonist doubts themself completely. It seems like nothing more can go wrong, and like nothing might ever go right again. The protagonist is at a loss for how to move forward. In Veilguard? Varric is dead. Davrin/Harding is dead. Bellara/Neve is dead. Rook is literally trapped not only in their regret, but in a reflection of Solas' regret. And to get out, they'll need...

"The Epiphany" / Second Plot Point: "Plot point" means "big/defining decision" in writer-speak, as stated above. Only this one contains more layers than the first. This is where the thematic statement of the piece comes out: the lesson that the protagonist must learn is stated, clearly, for all of us to see. It is the thing that picks them up off the ground, giving them strength to face the climax and the danger it promises. In Veilguard, this is Varric saying to Rook, "Have you learned nothing here?" and reminding both Rook and player that he chose this; Rook's companions chose this; we cannot blame ourselves for the actions of others. We cannot carry grief for other people, or we'll drown in it. Sound like any other character we know?

Climax: The big fight! But also, the big moment where the theme is shown to be the narrative key. In every ending of Veilguard, Rook being Solas' perfect mirror is the key to winning the day against the Dread Wolf. It just depends on what facet of Solas Rook chooses to mirror: the trickster, the nasty combatant, or the person who was haunted by their own failings and lost companions.

Resolution: Narrative threads are tied up, or a promise is made to tie up those loose ends in future installations. Veilguard's credits do both of those things. :)

Why am I telling you all of this? Because the lore must follow that skeleton. Every reveal we get must fit into both the timing and the feeling of those events. It would not fit to suddenly drop everything about the Titans right after Rook gets to the Lighthouse, which is why those enemies you need to kill to get the last memories are level 30-40. It would not fit to uncover everything about the blight's origin before Weisshaupt. If they forced us into that as players, all the casual fans and new players would duck out, feeling overwhelmed.

Even for us older fans, narrative structure shapes significance. You can tell a lot about a codex's overall importance and tone just by understanding where you find it, and when. That's why the Trespasser codices carry so much weight, even the ones about the Evanuris' actions that we don't see on screen at all: they are at the bitter end, and so they carry all the bitterness, longing, and mourning of that ending. Without the context of Trespasser, they mean less.

This is also why Veilguard paces its companion quests this way, not allowing you to complete them until later in the game. Every companion has something to teach us, and BioWare wanted to give each companion's narrative the weight it deserved.

The Companions: Paths to Our Answers — and Future Games

Anyone who's played Inquisition knows that companion quests shape entire facets of the lore in individual games, as well as set us up for the trajectory of the next games. Just look at Solas and Cole: together, they shaped our whole understanding of spirits in Veilguard. They set us up to ask all the right questions about not only spirits being bound as demons (Solas' quest), but about spirits being able to manifest in physical shape (Cole's quest). Together, their narrative conclusions foreshadowed much of the Evanuris' reveals in Veilguard: that they were spirits who could manifest into corporeal shape, and that they had the ability to ask others to manifest—and then bind them.

Again, these quests are paced throughout Inquisition's main plot. You cannot do their before Skyhold, and you cannot do them after the cutoff of (I believe) the Temple of Mythal. Inquisition forces you to see those quests' endings in the exact right spot: sometime around the midpoint (Adamant/WEWH), but before the disaster/dark night (the Temple of Mythal). They do that so you will feel that those things are significant.

Veilguard does the same thing. Every companion has a facet of the lore attached to it, but you cannot follow those threads to their conclusions at the beginning of the game. The game won't let you, because the moments need to be spaced out properly and carry the necessary emotional weight. Not all of their quests promise speculative material for future games in the same way, because some explain the context of the current game (Varric, in DAI, accomplished both with the red lyrium content, for instance; Leliana, meanwhile, dealt with the theme of faith in DAI and did not promise future speculation).

These concepts will all get far more attention in due time, but in short, here's what I think is associated with each companion:

Harding: Titans! But also, angry titans, and the difference between "angry titan" and "source of blight." In the same vein, what the dwarves should do going forward, and where they should place the titans in their culture.

Neve: The soul of Veilguard; her narrative is very current to DA:tV, in my early understanding. But she brings forth a lot of nuance to the themes of regret, and what that regret looks like on a smaller scale (a city, rather than a world). She does a lot of work in showing us that regret is regret, no matter the scale, and that the work we do to do better matters, no matter the scale. Additionally, her personal quest foreshadows Solas' use of blood magic against us being more than we thought by showing off Aelia's puppets, suggesting to us (tonally) that Rook may be Solas' puppet.

Bellara: The Forgotten Ones!! Anaris! Also, the place of ancient elvhenan in the future of Thedas, and what the elves should do/feel going forward.

Lucanis: I think they were going for some Forgotten One/Forbidden One hints, judging by some notes from the Ossuary and some banter between Lucanis and the others. This needs more dissection. Lucanis sort of does both what Bellara and Neve do: the Forgotten Ones, and also the heart of Veilguard's theme, with a lot of found family vibes thrown in.

Davrin: The blight itself, and the future of the blight without any archdemons left to cause capital-B Blights. Thedas' path to healing its nature.

Emmrich: The nature of what spirits are. I need to go screencap more specifics, but I swear this necromancer has referenced the difference between spirit and human soul and has stumbled upon saying that the two might not be so different at least once. Also, the Formless One centers around the Necropolis, and I'm thinking "spirits seeking bodies" and this whole idea of unlife/undeath is going to be explored later.

Taash: Remember how I said BioWare needed an ethos update? I think we see that most predominantly in Taash, whose entire personal quest is an examination of the values and priorities of different cultures, as well as the place of gender and gender ideology in Thedas. We saw this with Dorian and Krem in DA:I, but Taash modernizes that conversation (10 years has changed a lot!) and brings it front-and-center. At the same time, their existence is referencing (potentially) the Scaled Ones, and showing us that the kossith (Qunari) might have far more ties to Evanuris shenaniganry than we thought—and that those shenanigans did not happen on Thedas, but potentially far across the sea. (Neve and Lucanis accomplish this, also, with the Shadow Dragons and Crows, but not to the degree that Taash does).

This is why the companion quests MATTER, and (at least partially) why the game asks you to complete these quests or suffer consequences in the finale.

You know what else happens, upon completion of these companion quests?

You get codices. In Dragon Age, they are the threads that tie the seemingly disconnected pieces of the plot together, and that's on purpose. This time, they automatically unlock upon completing different stages of companion quests—and as far as I can tell right now, days after completing the game for the first time, the ones revealed later DO contain spicier hints about future lore than those revealed earlier.

And between ALL of these things—the demands Veilguard's timing placed on Bioware, the need for Rook as a protagonist, and the structure for every companion's quests—I think BioWare did an amazing, genius job with their narrative. Yes, I have seen some of the art book content, and yes, it would have been so cool to have those things, but... I truly do not think BioWare needed them, as close as I would have held cameos like Cole to my heart.

From a lore perspective? They knocked it out of the gods-damned park with Veilguard. They did an amazing job with each of their quests, and I promise: there is no shortage of juicy lore to be found in Veilguard. Now that I've inflicted an outline of what I know about stories upon you, I promise: all of this serves as context for everything I look forward to saying in future posts.

_____

If you got this far, thank you, as always!

This series is going to take a turn toward what I noticed in Veilguard, how I feel that Veilguard adds to my theories (or perhaps debunks some of them), and where I think the series is going to go from here. But in order to write all that properly and miss as little as possible (even though, in November 2024, with no wiki or transcripts, I am guaranteed to miss things), I need to keep playing the game and keep reading the codices I find.

Stay tuned for the next instalments, though I cannot say how quickly they will come after this. <3

[doctorroseficmarathon]

Presenting the DoctorRose Fic Marathon 2024, August 1st-31st

Hello everyone! After taking a year off from the fic marathon we are back and bigger than ever! But since it’s been a while I figure I’ll reintroduce myself and the fic marathon! I’m @bigbad-tardis and the DoctorRose Fic Marathon is one month where authors write as much doctorrose fanfic as possible! There are prompts to get people inspired, but they are not necessary to follow. Write whatever you want, the point of the month is to just to write! The event of hosted on ao3, but the fics can be posted anywhere!

Normally the fic marathon was the month of September but because of scheduling, now the fic marathon will be moved up a month to August 1st-31st! And now there are 31 prompts instead of 30 to reflect this change! That makes this the biggest fic marathon ever. This is a beginner friendly event designed only to inspire people to write for the Doctor and Rose. It can be any pairing, ninerose, tenrose, elevenrose, hey! Even fifteenrose! Whatever floats your boat. And if you post your fic on tumblr, tag this account so I can reblog! I will also be posting on Twitter as well with help from @holdinontostars so check us out there too as docrosefic!

Before we get started, let’s refresh on the rules.

If you choose to connect any oneshots, do so as a series instead of a single story.

There is no set length or rating, write the fic you want to write! Tag your work appropriately but all types of fics are welcome during the fic marathon.

Tag the fic DoctorRose Fic Marathon (2024) so we can see what’s being posted!

Have fun!

There’s event is designed to be low stress, there is no need to feel like you have to write all of the prompts or for every day, or even in any order. They are only there to generate ideas and whatever fic you can write is plenty!

Now onto the prompts!

1. “We need you, I need you.”

This can be said in dialogue, this could be the start to the fic, whatever you want! It

2. Truth Serum

An oldie but a goodie! Keen eyes might remember it from previous events.

3. One Bed

There was only one bed, oh no, what will the Doctor and Rose do?

4. Sickfic

I’m actually not sure if I’ve done this one before. But personally I think we need more sickfics out there! This one was suggested anonymously by a follower!

5. “Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf”

Who is afraid of the Big Bad Wolf indeed, I think there is a lot more than meets the eye to our formerly godlike friend Rose Tyler.

6. Accidental Baby Acquisition

Half kidfic, half adoption, half chaos. What would it be like if the Doctor and Rose suddenly acquired a child, whether that be their own, an orphan, or anything of the sort.

7. (Super)hero

This one is a little self indulgent, but the Doctor might be one of the greatest heroes ever. Or Rose too for that matter. (But personally I’d like to see a cape or two)

8. Bad Wolf as Disability

This could be any disability, but you can’t expect me to believe that Bad Wolf didn’t leave any side effects. This was was also anonymously suggested.

9. “His One Constant Companion”

What if the Doctor’s constant companion isn’t death, but in fact someone else?

10. Episode Fix-It

Previously there was a trio of prompts corresponding to GitF, Doomsday, and Journey’s End, but I’ve combined and expanded the prompt to apply to any episode.

11. At a Ball

This was also anonymously suggested! Big fan of elaborate dresses and dancing.

12. Multi Doctor

Haven’t you wondered what it would be like for there to be multiple Doctors in the same time and only one Rose?

13. Reunion

You all know why.

14. “You Are Who You Choose to Be”

This quote from the Iron Giant is about a weapon who doesn’t want to hurt anyone, kind of like the Doctor in a way, no?

15. Time Loop

Heaven Sent, Eve of the Daleks, it’s a sci-fi classic for a reason.

16. Alternate First Meeting

This juggernaut of a prompt has been in the fic marathon three times, and that’s because it’s my favorite!

17. Phones

One of the features of New Who is that the Doctor upgrades the companions phones, how does that change the dynamic.

18. Jealousy

This was anonymously submitted as well!

19. Soulmates

Another anonymous submission but oh they’re so right. The Doctor and Rose are soulmates.

20. “The North Wind Blows and Carries Down the Distant Rose”

Have you guys ever noticed that the wind picks up during dimensional travel sometimes… the north wind carries the distant Rose? Just saying

21. Bad Wolf/The Oncoming Storm

Everyone fears someone, the TARDIS just happens to have two of the most scary people ever.

22. Supernatural

No im not talking about superwholock. Unless that’s something you like, then feel free, but this was intended to be an all encompassing trope for the people who wanted magic and mermaids. It’s even more relevant now that Doctor Who is experimenting with superstition.

23. Only Description

This guy is the only “challenging” prompt for the event. Try to write a story without dialogue and only using description.

24. Sun, Moon, and Stars

Rose Tyler burns like the sun, the Doctor sometimes lands on the moon. Loads of possibilities here!

25. The Master

I’m just saying that the Rose, Doctor, Master dynamic could be hilarious if given the chance.

26. Domestics

The Doctor said he didn’t do domestic, but ever since they met Rose they seem very versed in it. Curious.

27. “Something of the Wolf”

We all know that there has to be something has to have changed with Rose Tyler after Bad Wolf, and apparently other people have noticed too.

28. Classic

This could mean a lot of things, Classic Who references, or are the Doctor and Rose a classic love story?

29. Timey Wimey

The Tenth Doctor invented this iconic phrase, there are numerous ways this could apply to the Doctor and Rose.

30. Dreams

Look, the Doctor is a telepath, everyone dreams. Loads of possibilities here.

31. Forever

I always try to end out the month with the sappiest of prompts, and I think this one fits.

[midnightshaze13]

I must say something because since I attended the Eras shows I feel this and I need to say it.

I've been a fan since crazier came out and she appeared on the cover of a disney magazine that my mom got me because I liked the song and wanted to know more about her, around 2010. Since then, I've always respected her and her work and came more and more in love with her writing and music. That hasn't changed a bit. But these family that we used to be has changed now a lot.

Lately, I've seen on social media and at the shows of the eras that many people who attended recognized to have had hated on her in the past, but they now "adore her". Something about this feels wrong to me.

Literally, "the old taylor is dead" was made to win over the general public. She had to metaphorically kill all her previous versions that people didn't trust or tolerated; these versions of herself with which she managed to make her name in the music industry AND those are the same ones they all rejected and now they sing with their mouth full.

She was FORCED to get the approval of people like these who pointed and criticized every little nonsense*¹ about her in order to be able to do what she does now: succeed, fill stadiums with thousands of people and create a legacy which will be in the Music History books.

What I want to get at is that Taylor Swift, in order to continue growing in the industry, has had to overcome and prove wrong all of them who were at hater position 2, 3, 10 years ago.

In order to be valued and respected for her job which is creating music, and for her is specially writing her own songs, she was forced to learn how to dance "better" to beat the "she doesn't know how to dance" allegations; she had to change her dressing style and many other things like that to be what people wanted her to be so she could have the recognition she deserved previously and all.

To this day I think many don't like Taylor Swift for what she is and has been. Many people attending the Eras are people loving the results of her growing into someone "different" to earn that respect and admiration. And most of those love that performance of a (now considered) cool girl on stage that she puts on every night on the Eras more than her for what she is and more than the music.

But to all those I must say, she's on the bleachers. That's how it was and that’s the narrative most of them rejected her for. It's not okay to me that they claim to love her now that she's cheer captain, as if they never said a bad word about her.

If these people would have known taylor swift at that age when she wrote those and wasn't "cool" they may have bullied her for the same things they claim to love her for now.

These are the same people who have bullied me and my other Swift's fans friends for decades just for us liking taylor's music. I had to battle and fight for tickets & a seat at The Eras Tour against people who used to bully me at school for liking her music.

In her own words: maybe you've reframed it and in your mind you never beat my spirit black and blue. But I don't think you've changed much.

I welcome those who discover her recently with open arms. But to the "haters to fans" that "now I can see how good she is" no thanks.

I've been here through a lot watching from a distance (tumblr, youtube) and I always dreamed about going to a Taylor Swift's show. I watched the videos of the speak now world tour when my parents wouldn't let me go because I was 13 years old. I watched the Red Tour while experiencing my first romantic heartbreak and the 1989 world tour when I was 16 and decided to not have boyfriends for a long period of my life. When I started uni and had the clean speech tied to my folder binder to see it every day, these people looked at me like if I was GREEN. And then at the Uni I watched the reputation stadium tour every late night before falling asleep wondering what it must felt like to be a part of it and I grew more into the desire of traveling to a show but couldn't afford it back then. The Eras Show was amazing, it absolutely blew all of my expectations, it truly is my once in a lifetime experience that I'm so grateful for. To have been able to experience all the past eras that I dreamed of in my past.

It feels wrong to see every person who once bullied me for dreaming about it out loud back in the day standing there making their own of the lyrics that for so many time were mine to scape real life and dream.

*¹nonsense: there was this time when every day we had a battle on twitter and other social media of people attacking taylor for the absurd fact that she was blonde, rich and famous and also thin. It was like that back then, they didn't had anything else to attack her for.

[bluishfrog]

HAPPY 1-YEAR OF DRAWING ANNIVERSARY TO ME!

(Warning: slightly longer post incoming cause sometimes I gotta be a sentimental bitch ok? So let's go on a little trip down memory lane.)

This day, a year ago, I made my very first fanart. It was dnf (if that surprises you, then welcome to being on my blog for the very first time). I drew a little frog face too so I could use it as a watermark (fun fact: I still use that very same first one).

I immediately put my drawing up on twt because I told myself that I wasn't gonna be afraid of having people see that I was at the very beginning of this journey and had no clue what I was doing. That instead of being bad at art, I was gonna be awesome at being a beginner who doesn't know shit.

I started with little doodles and silly comics and then I laughed way too long when the first drawing of mine that gained some attention was a dnf butt joke. At the time I was trying to balance shipping and non-shipping art so I didn't even draw dnf that much but in hindsight it's probably the only possible way this could have gone.

At the very end of August I woke up to @honelle56 caps-locking at me in my messages - I was very confused and tired (I am no morning person and I will never be, fuck off with your mornings) because Dranart liked my drawing of singing Dream. Dranart was my 17th follower on twt which is a useless yet extremely funny fact about my time on that hellsite.

I also drew human!patches because a) patches was and will always be my favorite dteam member and b) it was a really cute trend and while I do love drawing dream, george and sapnap, I was also quite happy to try drawing anything but a white man for once. And I really liked how the drawing turned out.

Much, much later, I tried to draw my first slightly more realistic looking drawing. I was extremely confused on how to draw anything like this. Especially their hair gave me tons of trouble but given my experience, I think it's not a bad attempt.

When hijacked smp started I obviously wanted to participate, and I drew c!blu who doesn't associate with any side in particular but instead serves soup to everyone who visits her tavern 'The Soup House'. She also wants to be paid in stories from all around the map.

One of the events I was most excited about was dnf week. I even collaborated with two talented writers and I drew the corresponding art for two fics.

(Fun or not so fun fact: when twt had like three hundred collaborative aneurysms about the situation at that moment, that was when I created this tumblr account. I didn't use it super actively (I guess I needed another situation to fully make the switch) but I at least started the account that now developed quite a bit since then.)

I didn't really draw at all through January and February and I actually kinda thought I would move on from that hobby and fandom (not because of negative feelings, just because I didn't really have the urge to create anything within this fandom) and then situations happened and now I am here; and for some reason that is beyond any logic and my understanding I am now even more insane about dteam.

Wild to me but we are rolling with it now, I guess.

Since I got here, I drew more than ever (I actually think I might have made more drawings in the month since I got here than I made the whole rest of the year). There's just such an active and funny community here that cares about fan works for the sake of creating and not just because a CC might see it.

Unfortunately, Tumblr won't let me add more than 10 images in one post (maybe fortunately for everyone who has this monstrosity of a post on their dash). So if you want to see all the progress I made since I got here, you can look at everything in my art tag. For now, I will close this post with one of the art works from the past month that I like the most:

Can't wait to see what the next year might bring :)

Love, blu

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

02/12/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Parrot Analytics; Cast & Crew; Kristian Nairn; Nathan Foad; Erroll Shand; Trends and Stats; V-Day Video for Prime; In person events and Watch Party reminders; People of Earth; WooAsACrew; Kudoboard for Cast & Crew Update; Love Notes; Daily Darby; Tonight's Taika; Well folks, it was another busy busy day. I apologize, I'm a bit exhausted today so I'll be making this quicker than normal.

== Parrot Analytics ==

Some Q4 data was released by Parrot Analytics for HBO and Max and as you can probably imagine, this made most of the internet explode. Referencing @adoptourcrew here since they did a great bit of research.

SRC: HBO's Most Popular Shows - hidden behind Paywall

== UK How You Can Help==

Below are actions to do every day to capitalise on #OurFlagBBC! More info below on how to use YouGov. Tumblr

=Cast & Crew Sightings=

= Wee John Wondays ==

I think everyone's favorite part of the day was when Nathan Foad appeared on Wee John Wonday's. He is by far one of the best guests ever.

Please go watch the whole damn live, but if you don't have time right now. Here's a clip from our fabulous friend @edscuntyeyeshadow who recorded it for us, I have just left it on repeat so I can continue to laugh.

A few quotes/highlights in case you can't watch anything right now:

Highlights:

Kristian's Garage Fire

Nathan's Writing

Nathan was VERY sick at the beginning of filming S2, Sick AF and had to learn how to roll and smoke cigarettes.

Nathan was not aware he was on camera when the sandwich hit him in the face.

Gypsy made him a jacket to wear IRL that matched his gorgeous one in the show (Gypsy is the best)

Nathan's favorite scene was the one with Matt Maher with the Art on the Wall.

Kristian's favorite scene was the one with Con O'Neill and asking to put on make up

Quotes:

"NOT TO BE A BIG THING RIGHT NOW BUT I AM" - Nathan

"Sniffed the air like a fox in heat" - Kristian

"You little gay bitch" - Nathan

"Mid town special" - Nathan, as Kristian

"Im a horrible un wanted nipple twister" - Kristian

"Needy puffs" - Nathan

== Erroll Shand ==

As usual our dear friend Erroll is out here really pushing the SaveOFMD material/data.

== Trends and Stats ==

== Valentine's Day Video For Prime ==

It’s Monday, which means it’s time to send Prime Video all our love ! Let’s #WooAsACrew 🐙💜 Vocals: ferventrabbit on Twitter Video: Giulianaazr on Twitter

== Event and Watch Party Reminders! ==

= OFMD Matelotage Processional =

Tues Feb 13: 8-11 am at: Kismet Salon 4111 W Olive Ave. Burbank CA 91505

If you show up-- you get free stickers!

= People of Earth Watch Party =

People of Earth Season 1: Episodes 3 and 4 tomorrow! If you don't have access reachout to @iamadequate1!

10 PM GMT / 5 PM EST / 4 PM CST / 2 PM PST

#PiratesOfEarth

#SaveOFMD

#AdoptOurCrew

= WooAsACrew =

Tue 13: Send @netflix some love!

== Cast & Crew Kudoboard ==

Hey all, I already made a short post about it but the Kudoboard was overrun by some absolute twats today so I had to lock it down with a password. If you'd like to still submit something to the cast and crew that's still doable, you'll just need the pw. Please just DM me here or twitter, or Instagram, or wherever you can find me or the @saveofmdcrewmates folks also have it. We will be sending it off / locking it on Valentine's day early morning so please reach out prior!

== Love Notes ==

Hey lovelies, I am really low on spoons tonight so I'm gonna let some other folks send you love on my behalf. See you tomorrow, all the love. <3

== Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika ==

Tonight's gifs are courtesy of:

Taika: @chrysalis-writes and Rhys: @thunderwingdoomslayer

Happy Murray Monday and Enjoy tomorrow's Taika Tuesday!

[rs-hawk]

Do you have any writing tips? Even if it’s not necessarily for smut?

I won’t be touching on tips for smut at all on this post but I can make a separate post for it if y’all want.

My Top 10 Writing Tips

Love all your characters. Yes, even your antagonists. Hell, especially your antagonists. Even if they’re evil for the sake of being evil, if you want a 3 dimensional character, you have to acknowledge that they’re more than just evil to someone. Their mother. Their friends. Their dog. You have to think of their motivations, and honestly?-acknowledge that every character you write has a part of you in them. Maybe just your anger, your fear, your trauma, but love them for that, and it’ll shape them and your works in ways you never thought of.

Don’t reread your work too often! It’s hard (so very very hard) but when you have to crank out 2k words a day every day of the month but 2 it gets easier. Lol. Fr though just keep chugging along. You can reread later. You can edit later. Just get it done.

Don’t edit too much while you’re still actively writing. I know that’s hard, I really do, but if you keep rewriting, you’ll never be able to finish. You’ll keep writing a handful of scenes over and over again until you hate it, your book and yourself for “giving up”. You can edit later.

Write for yourself. It doesn’t matter how good of a writer you are, how beautiful or eloquent your style, if you hate it with every fiber of your being, it’ll turn to dust in your hands. I consider writing work, and when people enjoy themselves at work, not only do they do better, but the consumer enjoys it more. Think about it. If you’re at a restaurant and the workers are laughing and smiling with each other and seem genuinely happy, you’re more likely to go back than if they’re miserable, on the verge of tears and seem to hate being there, right? The same is true for your writing. Readers will enjoy it more if they can feel how much you enjoyed creating it.

Don’t just write. Listen to music. Get up and go for a walk. Text/call a friend. Watch a TV show. Pet your cat. Experience something. It helps you write but it also reminds you that hey, you’ve been here like eight hours. Get something to drink. Take a screen break. Go outside.

Be comfortable while you write. I’m not going to lecture you on posture because I’m currently laying down with my legs drawn up under me, my upper body turned and my phone in the air because I’m trying to put enough pressure on my lower back to pop it. Anyway, even if you can’t stay in one position long, switch. Listen to your body. A “proper” posture can end up hurting you if you don’t ever relax or if you’re putting too much pressure on your lower spine. It’s okay to lean. It’s okay to lay down. It’s okay to sit cross-legged. Just not at the expense of your body. Be aware, and don’t forget to get up and stretch!

Take breaks. Eat. Drink. Stretch. Go to the bathroom. Some people need them scheduled, and that’s fine, but also listen to your body. If you need to use the toilet but you don’t have another break scheduled for an hour, just go. Pause your timer or delay your alarm if you want, but take care of yourself.

Don’t be too rigid with your “starting” plot. We know most of us have that one scene or one character in mind we want to write, so we create a plot around them. That’s fine and I love it, but your writing is like a living creature. You might change while writing it. Your characters and ideas might change while writing it. Let them change. Let you change! You can edit later.

Remember it’s not a race. Just because you see some people dropping 3 novels a year, or 5 Tumblr posts every day doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. No one can write what you write. No one can create what you can create. Your work deserves to exist and be judged on its own merit. Not compared to anyone else’s, even if it’s you five years ago who could crank out multiple posts daily. It’s okay.

Don’t expect anything. Start writing because you love it. It makes you happy. It itches that part of your brain that no other hobby does. That no other love does. I’ve been writing for about 15 years now. I don’t know who I am without it. I have tried giving it up, moving past it, doing other things, but I always come back. Nothing else makes me feel the way writing does. I have gone years without writing, but when I start writing again, it’s like a high. I can go for hours, and I have! I have been lucky to be able to monetize my work, but it took 10+ years and was only because I got goofy about werewolves on a PTR app. You can’t go into the arts and expect to make money right away, or ever. You can hope, and do your best, but don’t only do it because you think you’ll make a living. It’s a sad but real fact. Capitalism makes us think we should only do stuff we can make money off of, but that’s a lie. You can AND SHOULD create just to create. Humans are meant to make art, and if writing is your canvas like it is mine, write to create. Fuck capitalism. Your art existing is enough reason to create it.